Today is going to be a good day.......

 Skipping the gym today.... hitting the dirt with my mom. Yay! A hiking day!  My day doesn't start at work until 4 so this makes for a good workout before work.   My mom and I are usually attached at the hip but lately life has gotten busy.  Well namely when Jay moved.  I now fill all my just sitting waiting for Stevi gaps with work when possible, which is great that I have clients that I can do that with, but it sure makes for a weird sporadic schedule.  Tonight I have two cuts at 4...go home, grab Stevi, get her to cheer, go back to do a color, pick up Stevi and stay for a parent meeting until around 9.

So starting my day with fresh air, cardio and laughter....awesome.  Have a great day today all, mine will be... I can feel it!

1st class for me scheduled!

 With Stevi scheduled to take her driving test, I am optimistic and have scheduled another sewing class.  I haven't had the time to finish a few projects, a shirt, a runner and a quilt, a tablecloth, and lounge pants for all of us, so I actually paid for a day of uninterrupted sewing.  Its from 9-3:30 the last Monday of the month and hopefully I can complete these projects before I start to conquer some more.  A good friend of mine gave me, yes gave me a Serger which I can't wait to use.  So for now, that's my goal, to finish all my unfinished sewing projects.....One day a month of no phone, no work, no driving, nothing but sewing.  I'm I a dork....probably...Oh and Guoda....don't plan on your Christmas stocking I started knitting..... I don't think it will ever be finished........See if Liz will knit one for you ;-)

Am I supposed to miss him this much...?

 Am I supposed to miss him this much?  We've lived together since 1985... you would think some time away would be refreshing.  That's what all the other wives tell me.  "Enjoy it!"  They say.

 How can I enjoy it when I look over at the empty side of the bed and long to see him there.  I hate sleeping alone.  I thought I loved it.  I haven't slept alone since June 1986 other than a few bouts of normal marriage woes , snoring, fighting etc.

 Is it normal at my age after this many years to cry because you miss someone so much it actually creates pain in your chest?  Over the years you become comfortable, even resentful at times.   But you are together to get angry with each other and a simple touch, kiss or hug can make it better in a second.  With 400 miles plus between us, I can't just fall into his arms after a bad day, or sit and laugh with him as he makes a romantic table in the front yard with flowers and wine for all the neighbors to see and come tell us how cute we are.

I miss him.  To the point I feel lonely, and angry that the only communication for us is via text or phone calls which I am usually running around with 20 things to do so then I don't give him the full attention he deserves even if for a few minutes. I had my breakdown moment again last night.  I should be able to get passed this but the job is 10 years and I think that is what is stuck in my head.  I know women do this everyday. Even though he doesn't always want to do the things I want to do when he is here...He is here. His presence is soothing. I want to hold his hand, kiss him good morning and good night...nudge him when he snores too loud and feel the warmth of his body at night.  I miss him staring at me for no reason and watching me get ready because he finds it beautiful.

I know we have a long road ahead of us...and you would think being as busy as I am between work, chores, Stevi and opening a new salon I wouldn't have time to think... but its amazing what the brain does to you when you miss somebody this much.  It debilitates you, wears you down and depresses you.  I am keeping as busy as possible, I'm just sad and angry that he's not here . But it's for our future and we are slowly getting bills paid off and paid down.....there is a light...at the end of the RV...

Bonding 101

Xtreme Allstar Cheer Squad 2012

Team bonding is a tradition and has been for years.  When Stevi was made Captain of her cheer squad, the first thing she said was "We need a bonding party".  And she was right.  Last night was a complete success.  Only one girl decided not to come and it is sad because it was definitely her loss.  The girls have not had any time to get to know each other on a personal level, because at a competition level practice, that's all you do is practice.  No personal banter, no laughter, all concentration, all work.

The girls got to know each other , the music they like, all the things that you don't know can put a wedge into a team, the things you learn can weld you together.  They had a few bonding games, blind make-overs, Fugitive to name a couple.  Lost of pizza and soda and laughter.  The most successful sleepover I've ever had at my house.

Our next bonding party will be December 1st... hope the all know how to roller skate!

Shattered.......

Sacrifices made to conquer dreams

can shatter a heart right at the seams

A smile on your face while knowing true love

when the one that you need, you can only dream of

A text, a call, a card in the mail

doesn't make up for trips that will fail

My heart needs to see you and feel you near

daily I wish that your face would appear

I know you are there because of your love

I pray to God and the heavens above

I hope to see you soon and fall into your arms

I miss every bit of your romantic charms

Distance, they say, makes the heart grow fonder

Never again is that a thought I will ponder

So don't mind me as I fall to pieces

Cry all night into my pillow creases

You are my best friend, the love of my life

Thank you for this.......your loving wife

Drama of the Week....Lynch 101

 Drama of the week?  Lawnmower.  We had a very nice lawn mower at one time.  When we lost our home and became renters, the first place we moved into was a town home so of course we sold it.  Our amazing new neighbor across the street gave us her old one, which Jay can start, and apparently only Jay can start it.  Jayson and I have tried for 2 weeks.  We just can't get it to start.

Of course, I stopped watering the lawn about that time thinking it would be mowed.  Then it wouldn't start.  Tried again.  No, no can do.    I got yelled at last night from Jay, for not mowing the lawn, which I've tried, I swear, and for not watering the lawn, which I plan on mowing and I know you can not mow if it is wet.  So I suggested hiring someone just so it gets done.  Wrong suggestion.  He ended up more angry, I ended up crying.  My son and I worked for over an hour trying to start that damn old mower this morning.  I have friends that have said they will come mow the lawn for me...Guy friends which I'm sure won't help the situation, so thru networking, I have a friend who has a mower that needs a primer bulb and he says we can have it and fix it...which may be what is wrong with this one....I think it is just done, its old and I don't think worth fixing.  My neighbor across the street came through again and she is mowing her lawn at 3:30 and said we can use it at 4...score! We will just fill it with gas once we use it, Jay won't be mad at me anymore, I can water the lawn and we can see if we can get my friends old mower and use that for awhile.  Having two separate house holds doesn't leave us any extra money, and I'm sure if Jay came home and just collected unemployment it would be just as bad if not worse.  So that is checked off my list.  I go to work at 4 and Jayson will be mowing at 4...Perfect.

My ideal lawn......

The end of this week is my light at the end of the tunnel.  My mom and I are going to go on a hike...haven't been in awhile, can always use the fresh air and exercise to erase the week.

Always an Adventure.............

Came to SF to Flowers in the kitchen and bedroom (8' apart)

 Nice to be able to come down and visit.  Stevi said we needed time alone too sometimes, Jay and I were both upset she didn't come, but she was right.  Also we are trying to be aware that at 15 almost 16, your friends are the most important thing in your life.  Not necessarily your family.

Hooked up with my coffee mug and laptop, the foot rest is a cooler with a pillow

 Last night we rented John Carter and Hunger Games.  John Carter was ok.  Hunger Games I loved.  If someone had told me Lenny Kravitz was in it, I would have watched it in the theaters for sure!  But I definitely recommend it if it is not on your list of must watch movies.

Woke up to this Sunday morning.

Last night the heater in the RV quit working.  Now Jay has to remove it and bring it to San Jose before it gets cold.  Everything works except the igniter or the circuit board.  Cross your fingers it something cheap, Lord knows we can't afford any more set backs.  I'm staying again tonight and heading home early tomorrow because I don't have to be at work until 11.  One more night of relaxation.

Only had change and was told it was a crock o shit

Street Performers.  Ah Street Performers.  We were watching them and I wanted to give them something but I only had a $10 or $20 so I felt bad and got what change I had left in my wallet so I split it between the 2 guys and one of them said "What a Crock of Shit."  You're welcome asshole.  You are the one on the street begging.  I could have walked by you just like the other 100 people around me did.  Never again.

Lunch at Eagle Cafe'

I'm back to saving all my $5 bills ($5 make you Hollaaaaa!)   I used to do that for my mad money , when I was making money like mad.  Now I am saving it so when I come down to the Bay Area once a month so I have some money to get over the toll bridge and this trip I was able to by some drinks for the trailer, Pepsi and water (I'm a big spender) and we got 2 Redbox Movies and today had a nice lunch at Eagle Cafe on Pier 39 and walked around 20 or more blocks in my sandles , which I know better.  It's amazing how comfortable sandles are until you have to walk for 2 hours in them.  But we had a nice lunch of Calamari, Crab Salad Sandwich and garlic fries so we are both burping up a storm.  I'm sure the trailer smells amazing.  When Jay comes home in 3 weeks, we have a busy weekend of Cheerleading, BBQ and a Halloween party, and Jay's truck is finally getting fixed from the hit and run accident he was in in May.  Until then I will save my $5 bills and hopefully have a good month so we can do more than an afternoon lunch, although movies and just chilling is nice also, as long as we get to be together.