It just sucks.....

I had lunch with my girlfriend today and I was proud to tell her that Jay has been sober a year as of July 14th.  When Jay and I talk about those "fun" days, I refer to him as "My Bastard Ex-Husband"  and he was.  I know that I could come home today and he could be back, but that is a chance I take, I also know what I have to do if he does drink again......move on.  For my girlfriend, she is going through the "fun" stage right now with her husband.  Never a dull moment.  As she was telling me about his latest debaucherous moments, tears were welling up in her eyes and I wanted to just die.  I remember how miserable I was.  I hated him, I hated me. I hated wanting to leave, I hated wanting to stay.  Why is it when you love somebody, you let them abuse you and treat you worse than they would treat their own enemies?  It is an illness.  It is also very hard to understand if you don't deal with addiction.  Her husband has fallen of the wagon yet again with more ultimatums and threats,  she is still there.  She has two boys who are now at the age where they are getting involved and sticking up for her.  When the children start to get affected you need to be strong, but she talks to me because I have been there, done that.  One Thousand people can tell you they would never put up with this or that, or wouldn't allow this or that, but until you are there.........I don't know, I guess you go numb.  Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep every night, sometimes you can't cry anymore.  When you are done you're done, when she gets to that point she will leave and maybe he can finally face his demons.  I wish I could make it go away for her, but from my experience, I can say that unfortunately it has to get much, much worse before it gets better.  Oh  my heart aches for her and I wish her luck and strength.