Showing posts with label Start a New Year with a new emphasis on yourself.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Start a New Year with a new emphasis on yourself.. Show all posts

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Am I just tired?

I feel like I have the flu, I am having severe stomach problems, (what's new right?), I have no energy, I feel like I have a fever (but I don't my temperature is 97.1 hmm?)  I just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep and whine like my little mini Doxie does.  I'm stressed, no lie, I haven't had time to exercise and I am following the same diet Stevi is on so I know exactly what she is going through with these strict dietary guidelines.  I'm sure I am not getting enough calories, yet neither is Stevi and my brain is on overload with all this new information I need to absorb.  Thank God this week I am booked solid for a full 5 days because that hasn't happened in years.  God's way of helping me put money back into the bank that has been coming out sooner than I am making it.


I finally made the time to get into my Therapist's office and was able to unload and have myself a little pity party and a mental breakdown in the safety of her office and her response to me was......"When you are on an airline the first thing the Stewardess tells you to do if the plane is going down is to put your air mask on first before helping others......why do you think that is?"


"Because I can't help anyone else if I'm dead or unconscious ...."


She said..."You are absolutely right, if you don't take care of your self first , you are not able to help everyone else successfully, you can't help them if you let yourself fall apart."


We know this.  We are told this, yet as women, we need to fix, protect, placate, and take care of every situation first...and there is never anything left in us , for us.  I really wanted to go to Cross Fit tonight, I really need it for me, but for me today I saw my Therapist  and I really needed to talk to her.  My decision not to go to Cross Fit was weighed back and forth heavily.  Do I go?  I really should and I need to.  Or do I go home because I only slept 3 hours last night and feel like I've been hit by a truck?


Since Stevi has gotten so sick and sensitive to just about all foods unless its fresh, organic with no cross contamination, I have been reading, learning, studying labels , staying up late and getting up early, running her to Doctor appointments, the pharmacy, running to the school.  Basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've been on the phone with Doctors and insurance companies and pharmacies for endless hours.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and stressed out to the point I feel like an overwound rubber band ready to break or unravel like crazy. Yet, I get up, go to work, smile on cue and drop everything for everyone else when needed.


Maybe I'm just tired............

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Addiction runs very deep.......

 That's a scary chart isn't it?  Where do you fall?  Addiction is in every family in some shape or form, it is sometimes new, sometimes a generational illness or sometimes it's just a weakness of the times, when depression overcomes you, you want to disappear.  I don't think I have an addictive personality... although I do get addicted to perfection (like my mom and sister) and I like to win at everything...no matter how small or silly, I enjoy being on top.  I think my main addiction would probably be coffee and exercise.  I know I was going through caffeine with drawl yesterday because I ended up with a full blown migraine.  I was trying to not take anything because since I broke my ankle on Dec 3rd , I have been unable to exercise and have had to rely on pills to feel better, go to sleep, handle stress etc.  I told my husband I feel like a pill popper because every pill I was taking I could have fixed that symptom with diet and exercise.  With Vicodin you have no appetite so you don't eat and with a broken ankle you don't exercise, without diet and exercise I am an insomniac.  I have never gotten hooked on anything. I've never been a smoker, yes I've tried it as a kid and thought I was really cool so I smoked awhile, and I hung out with the tough crowd and dabbled in partying, until I met my husband in high school and he told me he didn't date girls like me. Like a record scratching and the room going silent, I quit that group of friends and everything that went along with it.  My father (biological) had a gambling problem and I remember my Mom waiting at the window when I was little, sometimes crying in a dark kitchen...she would continue to look out the window in Reno Park and the window faced the only road to Bordertown that existed.  At that time, we were the first trailer on the right when you came down that road so she would watch for the headlights that sometimes never came.  He gambled everything and eventually took my Mom's jewelry to the pawn shop before my Mom had enough.  She had two young children,one with special needs, I was 5 my brother was 3.  We were in our newer trailer on Owl Court and I remember her sitting at the dining room table smoking a cigarette crying and she told me Daddy would never be coming home again.  And he didn't.  We were homeless during these times and luckily had a car to live in.  We spent our days  in a park for a awhile and slept in the car at night, on Washington St. while my Mom did what she could to find work and sometimes my brother and I would split what my mother got us to eat and she would eat what was left.


My son who is amazing now, had a bit of a substance abuse problem for awhile which got him kicked out of our house at 17 because we had to teach him tough love.  It was the hardest decision we had to make and thankfully now he is the amazing hardworking man he is.  That was a few years of heartache, fear and pain.  Helplessness and anger to mention a few.


My husband battles his demons as well which scares the Hell out of me.  His family is a generational example.  He has drank since he was a young boy and in high school and our 20's it was fun.  But alcohol can change a person, I've seen the dark side and although he says that guy isn't there anymore, I've met him and I'm scared to death he may come back. (I'm sorry Honey I know you read this...)I'm not perfect either, I have had my share if crazy, wheelchair and out of control moments on alcohol as well, I'm not pointing fingers.  I was molested as a child for 2 years and those are my demons, my Psycho Therapist says the fact that I've never been in jail, addicted to drugs, prostitution , had issues with alcoholism and am still married is a pure miracle.  I think that part of my life not only damaged me but also made me a bit of a control freak.  At 13-14 I dealt with anorexia and from 12-15 I was a fighter, not a bully but was there for any friend, and especially my special brother to handle the situation.  I liked fighting boys the most because they knew how to fight, and until my recent broken ankle, pain was my euphoria. Certain smells trigger me, beer is the strongest and I think that is because my Molester Frank, always had beer on his breath at nap time.  Smell is the strongest memory trigger... this I know and it is sometimes hard for me to let it go.  All I know is we all have our demons, I have people in my life that mean the world to me and people who are acquaintances that are dealing with their demons right at this very moment.  I hope they read this chart at the top and realize that those statistics are real.  I care about everybody in my life some much more than others.  But I do have a big heart that has room for everyone.  I've seen the ugliness of all addictions, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling.  If you need someone to talk to, I am a pretty good listener and I will help you if you need it by getting you in contact with the right person.  The first step is acknowledgement.  Are you ready to live life unclouded.  That's how I prefer to live....I hope you do to.


I love you all.......Lisa

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This Diet Rocks!


One evening when I couldn't sleep and I was feeling fat I saw this on TV.  Looked good, bought it. I have done the  exercises that are awesome.  Yes you do get all those videos, but I never tried the Turbo Slim diet.  I started it on Wednesday.   It is easy to follow and I have not cheat.  I have consistently lost 1 lb. a day.  7 Lbs. in the week I have been doing it.  I actually love getting on the scale!  I would like to loose 8 more lbs. before my photo shoot with Michele and I get a cheat day on Saturday.  The diet says by the 10th day you won't crave anything bad because this diet is designed to regulate your blood sugar.  I really can't think of anything I am going to treat myself to Saturday!  I think maybe a little dark chocolate but that isn't really that bad!  If any of you are looking for a great diet and workout program it is amazing, sorry veggies but there is lean meat, I imagine you could substitute or maybe they have a diet for vegetarians, as if you need one!  I go to lunch with my long lost friend Niki today and I chose PF Changs because I know I can get Buddha's Feast or a lettuce wrap..... weird but I am diggin' on it!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Medicine Balls for down time.......

I don't always get to the gym and prefer to workout during the day so I do not take time away from my family.  I decided while cleaning out my exercise room that I should bring my exercise balls to work.  I have 5 lb. balls and when I have no clients or in between clients I can get in some strength training and it is working somewhat.  Yesterday I worked out my obliques, triceps and biceps getting in 4 sets of 20 reps each and today I was busy but I got in 4 sets of 20 ab crunches and 4 sets of 20 on my shoulders.  I am feeling it so I don't feel like I completely wasted a day without getting to the gym, not as much as I would have done at the gym but better than nothing.  I am going to bring my resistance bands in next week and just keep them at work so when I get no-showed or ahead or a client is running late I can definitely multi-task and not be bummed out if I don't have that full hour to commit to an actual trip to the gym.  My obliques are sore today and someone told me today my arms looked great, but I think it's because I was a little pumped up.  Hmmmmmm how can you multi-task this month?  Find a way and see how it works for you.  I feel pretty productive and in between clients I also swept the floor, watered and cleaned the leaves on my plants at the salon and dusted all the shelves.  All in a days work, a woman's work is never done!

Friday, January 30, 2009

My last 2 weeks have been hell......

I all started Friday morning on the 16th.  I received a call from my bank saying that they were detecting fraud in my account.  As I was on hold, of course, I looked on line and saw that yes, somebody had indeed helped themselves to what little I had, therefore causing my salon lease check to bounce.  Fun.  After finally speaking to a human being, I actually felt secure knowing that they were on top of it.  Wrong.  Sunday evening my sister who lives in Massachusetts was looking for my blog so she "googled" my email address.....called me in hysterics.   I was busy baking cookies and had chocolate all over me so I washed my hands and called her back.  
She told me to google my email address........my stomach dropped into my feet and I felt like I was going to throw up, cry, have diarrhea, scream, pass out, punch something, have a heart attack and was also rendered speechless for a moment.  Staring back at me on the screen of my computer was all my online banking information. Yes all of it. Online ID, Passcode, full name address and social security, along with my birthdate, mothers maiden name, bank account number and routing code, card numbers with cvv and pin codes and expiration dates.  Then just in case you didn't have enough information, all my security questions and answers.  Anything you need to know to assume my identity and better yet, help yourself to my credit cards and bank accounts, which  somebody so graciously did.  Why thank you, I worked had for what little I have so help yourself. Of course this was a holiday weekend for the bank because of MLK day so I couldn't do anything about it until Tuesday.  I was on hold so much at work Tuesday that after 20 minutes or more I would have to hang up, still have to work for my money so luckily I got off work at 4 that day and headed to the bank to see an actual human being.  Waited for the branch manager, he saw my name on the list and looked at me and apparently decided he needed a cigarette before I wasted any time during his last hour of work. Sure why not, I have nothing better to do than wait.  When he walked past me a second time and headed towards his desk after AGAIN looking at my name on the list and picked up his phone to call somebody who apparently is much more important than me, I walked into his office and sat down and looked at him as he spoke on the phone.  As he looked at me with a nice huge fake smile I said "I believe I was next..."  Wow, his break was inconveniently ended, oops sorry for any inconvenience, I know how much that can ruin your day.  As he gave me his "I am much more important than you" look I placed what I printed off the off the internet and told him to humor me and google my email address.  Hmmm satisfaction at last! It was actually wonderful to watch the look on his face and see the pearls of sweat on his forehead and under his arms as he realized what he was looking at.  Things suddenly swung in my favor.  I had his attention.  After I patiently waited for him to google his own address and show half the bank my information, everyone else magically disappeared to their own computers, I am sure they had their own pressing business to attend to. Many phone calls later to their security department I was told I had to change all of my information.  Gee really?  Hmm I guess that is why I am here, I came to the right place then. I then received another list of 1-800 #'s to call and sat down after hours to close accounts and open new ones and got instructions on how to change all my online codes, passwords and information.  Too bad I can't change my name and social also, I've been toying with Trixie Dix...don't think anyone will want that name, what do you think?  It's growing on me and rolls off the tongue.  Now I have a folder and papers, armed with 1-800 #'s I know set out to stay on hold once again as I got home to change my online information.  After 45 minutes I broke down in tears and had to hang up to start over tomorrow, couldn't do it anymore on Tuesday.
    Wednesday, at work I started my quest to protect myself once again, nobody else will protect me so here goes.  I was determined to get through to a person because as of that morning, my savings account ,which they left me with a$150 dollars vanished.  That's right into thin air.  I deposited money to open a new checking account, that was gone too.  This time, I only had to hold for 3 hrs and 55 mins. total.  I was diligent and did not hang up.  I think I was only transferred 6 times.  I got kind of sick of explaining what was going on, so the last human I spoke to in the fraud department at 4:52 in the afternoon, I told to google my email address.  Once again, I had their attention.  Lots of "Oh this is not good,"  "This is really really bad,"  "How in the ?"  "Hold one moment please....."  Wow, now the manager of the fraud unit is on the phone!  I feel so f'ing important.  After lots of new 1-800 #'s to call and another page of internet addresses and agencies to call, lucky me I usually get bored because I have so much free time on my hands,  we hang up.  Not 4 mins. later, I got a call from the secretary of the CEO who asked me to hold for a moment to speak to him.  Oh how nice, they are offering me 2 years of complimentary identity theft protection and he is going to assign somebody to assess my account daily.  Wow, for me?  How sweet.  I feel like I may actually have gotten my point across at this point.
   Thursday, head to Parr to the Sheriff's department, now I have figured out it is so much more effective to just ask them to google my email address.  I love looking at the shock on their faces, priceless.  Oh Thank You, a new list of what I need to make my case so much more effective.  Copies of the bank transactions, of what is found on google etc.  I'm pooped.  Go home and monitor my bank account, oh how nice, apparently they didn't get the memo and the charges from Dubai went through, yeah more frustration, this time too tired of this crap to cry.  More calls only now I am armed with a direct line to the CEO's office.  After 9:35 pm I am pooped have to quit.
   Friday, get up extra early to fill out my police form as the victim/complainant  and fill out as thoroughly as I am able, staple together and take a shower to start my new and exciting day, wonder what I have in store for me today?  Life is so FUN!  Go to a substation to file my complaint and watch them looking at what I have given them.  Apparently what I have handed them is interesting, the other office goes to his computer and googles his email address.  Not a hit, nobody is as popular around here as I am apparently.  They hand me two more pieces of paper each with at least 20 more 1-800 #'s and websites, then I am told that since they file 100's, yes 1 0 0's of these identity theft complaints a day just at that substation, it is up to me to be diligent and keep at it as I will be put at the bottom of a huge pile of paper as long as I call them and bring them any new information, my file will make it closer to the top, but unfortunately these people over seas, very rarely get caught.  Mine is in Dubai, I am beginning to think crime pays and I am in the wrong business.  Now I have a case # so if anyone assumes my identity, I can give them a number so they know I am the real Lisa Lynch.  Nice.
     Saturday, I open my overnight delivered certified package from the bank and have my website, and code to protect my identity, Oh good because my information has now been on the Internet for at least 8 days.  For some reason I cannot find the website they gave me the address for.  I started this process at a little after 7 am.  Finally call the 1-800 # again and this time after pressing buttons for the 2,978th time am put through to a person, thank god, only now they need to direct me to another person with a short wait time of only 55 minutes, I speak to a person, but they can't help me, let me transfer you,  I snapped, " You will NOT  transfer me, I have been on hold for 55 minutes and need to protect myself right now!"  Doesn't matter, he still can't help me and has to transfer me.  Push 9 push in your account #, etc, etc, I'm sure you know the drill.  After a short wait time of only 12 minutes, a person comes on that gives me the correct website, apparently there was a slight typo, oh, of course.  Ok now I have the correct website, with a code to start my identity protection program.  After answering a series of questions with flying colors, they put me through another test,  well I guess this is good, I need to tell them exact payment amounts on certain bills that show up on my credit report, go get the file and fill in all the answers. Wait, Wait then you have passed the questionnaire you may now continue, punch in a couple of more things then..........YOU HAVE BEEN TIMED OUT OF YOUR ONLINE BANKING SESSION....... ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME....!!@##%&  So I start over, only now I am told that it is a breach of security because the code I have used can only be used once and now I need to use another code or a credit card.  Imagine. Just Imagine.  I broke down in uncontrollable sobs.  I lost it.  Jay and Stevi at this point ran, yes actually ran, outside to play softball, in the snow.  So I called my Mommy, crying, blubbering and sobbing.  Her response was soothing, understanding and caring.  At times like these, even at 40, one needs her mommy.  I had to quit for the day, but not until I called and left 2 more incoherent messages with the CEO's office.  Then I called another 1-800 #.  I was damned if I was not going to get this Identity Protection in place today.  I have no idea how long it took this time, it is a blur but I can tell you if you cry and they cant understand a word you are saying, you are transferred to a human much quicker.  Finally a very nice man came on the phone and I explained to him in just under 15 minutes why I was so upset and he stayed on the line with me while he found someone to help me set my theft protection up over the phone.  This process was like pulling teeth.  I had to speak slowly and spell everything I told her for accuracy .  All in all, I was done just around 11:45, hmm 4 hours and 45 minutes, not bad.  But now I have to wait 7-10 banking days for my kit with another # to call to get my online ID and password as they are unable to give that to me over the phone.  If I had just been faster, I would have been able to chose my own on the website, but I WAS TIMED OUT! 
   Jay and Stevi came in and said they were not going into town without me, I think they were scared to leave me alone with sharp objects, so they waited patiently as I put ice over my eyes so I could look somewhat normal to face the world.  I had another time limit because it was the last day for softball sign-ups for Stevi so that got me moving as we only had until 1pm to get to Vaughn Middle School.   Then off to Scheel's to purchase whatever gear we could afford.
     I took Sunday off, had to, felt like my  brain was shriveling up to nothing and Jay was getting scared of the vacant far away look in my eyes.
     Monday, I spent 2 hours on the phone total during a client cancellation and a no-show and got absolutely nowhere, I did however get more 1-800 #'s to call and some more web sites to log onto to attach fraud alerts.  All in all the Social Security administration had the most information on top of what the police department gave me,  apparently this is a pretty huge problem nationwide.  I have covered a lot of bases in the last two weeks and also gotten nowhere and pretty far at the same time.  I am now trying to accomplish just one thing at a time, one a day unless I am successful with the first chore then I will continue on.  Learn from me.  If you bank online, shop online or do anything on line protect yourself.  Never stay logged on, or on two tabs or more at the same time, don't save online id's and passwords to your computer and the bank told me I was supposed to be changing my online ID and pass codes monthly to protect myself...... hmm didn't see the small print I guess when I was in the SECURE website.  I can tell you now that Lifelock, Privacy Assist or whatever identity theft department you chose is worth it,  I know it seems paranoid, but if I can save just once person from this kind of stress, than I've done my job.




Friday, January 9, 2009

Yoga Basic Class a success.......





Well, we made it through the first class successfully, my Mom admitted that she actually enjoyed it and that is was relaxing, the next day she was actually sore!  She said, "But we didn't really do anything!"  Of course we did.   Anytime you stretch and pose you are using your muscles and when you are learning your breathing techniques it releases toxins from your muscles, it is not unusual to feel nauseous the first few times you do yoga, but you do get used to it.

Above are  a few of the poses we learned................

Sunday, January 4, 2009

10 WORST/BEST of 2008

  1. Not having my Dad/Having my Mom and getting closer to my sister
  2. Growing my hair out/Cutting my hair off
  3. Business slowing down/Still having a job
  4. Turning 40/Turning 40
  5. Losing Kathy Taylor to Breast Cancer and Judy battling it once again/Having a reason to run for Breast Cancer's Race for the Cure, and getting motivated
  6. No extra money to go out with/Staying home and relaxing
  7. Watching Stevi grow up/Watching Stevi grow up
  8. Jack moving away/Chrissi letting us see Jack whenever possible
  9. Becoming the couple that never goes out/ Jay's sobriety
  10. Taking in a 3rd Weenie that needed a home/Despite his issues, he is kind of sweet

Friday, January 2, 2009

JUST FOR TODAY


This year has been a much kinder year, maybe not financially but emotionally.  On January 14th Jay will be sober for 18 months.  I am so proud of him and he is so much easier to be around.  I count our blessings every day.  Last night we went to my Mom's house and we all promptly fell asleep on the couch at around 10pm but not before we had a crazy evening of putting together a jigsaw puzzle's border.  This morning as I was reading the paper and enjoying the fact that we are a few of the adults on this planet that do not feel hung over at all, I opened up to Dear Abby and she  posted her New Years Resolutions out of the Al-Anon credo, which I have read.  It is a nice reminder so for those of you who haven't read it or didn't read Dear Abby this morning, enjoy......

  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only.  I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow.  I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.  I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy.  I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me.  If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is.  I will face reality.  I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I  cannot.
  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind.  I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.  I will not be a mental loafer.
  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable.  I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others.  I'll improve my appearance, speak softly and not interrupt when someone else is talking.  Just for today, I'll refrain from improving anybody but myself.
  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health.  If I am a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I'll eat healthily-if only just for today.  And not only that, I'll get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
  • JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.