So hard to forget......

There was a knock at my door last night at 10:30 p.m. that turned my world upside down for another day.........I will get to that in this story so read on.....About 3 weeks ago, the sherriff came to our house asking us when the last time was that we had seen our next door neighbor (the bad neighbor, not the good neighbor)  Apparently he had not informed the police he had moved and that was his last know address, yes next door to us, and he is a registered sex offender and has been registered at that address for the last two years.  I have an 11 year old daughter, so naturally I freaked out.  I was molested for 2 years by our babysitters husband from around the age of 8 to 10.  NOT happy about this information.  I diligently check the familywatchdog.com website, and I am listed for notification..I was never notified.  The sheriff said he had been arrested for a parole violation and the house is now for sale and empty, after my talk with Stevi, I knew he had never even talked to her so I relaxed a little bit.  Jay had to fill out an affidavit stating that nobody had been living there for the passed 2-3 weeks.  Well... Jay got subpoenaed to testify in court because  apparently he had been in trouble and they were trying to check his whereabouts.  Jay had his knee replaced a week ago so he called the D.A. to tell him he didn't want to come in due to pain, medication and inability to drive, besides, we don't even know this guy.  So they told Jay he did not have to come in.......and let the guy go.  Last night at 10:30 our doorbell rang, it was him.  He for some reason felt the need to come over and explain to us that he would be staying in the vacant house next door until he could get his shit together.  I was asleep with earplugs and 2 Tylenol PM in my system.....luckily.  Jay told me this morning that he came over and apparently came into our house all cracked out of his mind and sat on our couch speaking a mile-a-minute to Jay.  Luckily, I was asleep through all this, if I had been awake it would not have been pretty, I would probably be in jail right now.  I didn't know what his crime was but being a survivor of molestation, the worst was going through my head.  I wanted to kill him for being anywhere near my daughter, my precious innocent daughter.  I didn't want an old nasty old man taking this innocence from her, I know how that is.   All day I was having panic attacks, felt like I was going to hyper-ventilate or stroke out,  I wanted to go to his house and make him leave, but logic told me to find out exactly what he had done,  however,  I have his full name and address and nothing is coming up on the watchdog website!!  It was killing me inside, all day I could hear, feel and taste Frank Bakken, MY molester.  Then I would see my baby's face with a grown man doing the same to her.  Pure torture, worse that having it happen to me.  I called Jay and told him, "You have to call the D.A. and find out what this guy did!!"  I need to know what I can do to protect my family, my daughter, myself, her friends.  He did call him, meanwhile, I am still on the verge of a mental breakdown......the D.A. was wonderful, he pulled his file and gave Jay all the information of his arrest.  Thank God, he was arrested in 1984 at the age of 18 for statutory rape on an 17 year old girl.  He was young and so was she, I still don't know the circumstances of the arrest or exactly what happened, but I can at least sleep a little easier knowing he is not a pedophile.  I really had to face my demons today...it sucked, bad.  I realize now that I am not over what happened to me, he stole my childhood, my innocence, my first time with someone I love  from that point on I was NOT a little girl anymore and that is hard to swallow.  I guess today I realized I will never truly get over what happened.  I know it wasn't my fault, he destroyed me.  I guess he made me Bubba in a way.  I have learned to deal with my anger, sometimes I can't, I am 40 years old in July and I still walk around with my fists clenched.  Maybe today was good,  I may need to go to therapy, but therapy won't take it away.....they say time heals all wounds......that is not true......