"A Prince in Heaven"

With heavy hearts we feel sadness, anger and confusion

when someone leaves before we are ready.

 Feeling numb and like zombies we go throughout our day

While a loved ones world has just been turned upside down.

We reach out for just the right words so say with kindness

love and gentleness

Some of us left with nothing  to say at all 

yet we all wonder,  why him?

It wasn't time yet , it was way too soon

he was young with a beautiful wife and family

who loved him with all their hearts,

 He has gone to a faraway place some only dream about.

After the pain has settled to a softness 

and your tears from heaven rain on your family

know that love and prayers surround them

with the kindness and love you once held onto each one of them.

You are now in a better place and not forgotten

neither will your family be

they will be surrounded by friends 

so they feel loved until they meet you again.

Rest in peace.......

It is with sadness that I dedicate this poem to Wendy, Morgan, Myrissa, Austin and Cammy.

How does a Mother protect a teenage daughter in this day of technology?

How does a mother protect a child these days?  It's nearly impossible.  Regardless of how you try, there is now texting, facebooking, bullying at school......

One way a mother can TRY, is to monitor Facebook, as I do, daily.  This is how I know who these kids really are.  Most of them have a different personality away from adults, but my eyes were opened pretty wide last night.

Once one negative comment goes on, the all start packing like wolves...kids that would never have to balls to say something to some one's face while looking them in the eye, all of a sudden can become vicious, mean and uncaring.  I couldn't take it anymore and jumped in on the pack trying to get them to stop.  Some did, but then as more started in on the "fun"  more comments kept coming and coming.  I got pretty pissed off and I tried to bite my tongue but I couldn't.  A few of these kids were actually friends, or so I thought that she has spent a LOT of time with away from school, on the phone etc. , over the last couple of years ,and I have become pretty fond of them.  One kid I've known since he was around 8, one girl she had as a team mate on one of her sports teams.  I did call the one I actually adored the most an asshole after awhile and then of course they turned it on me and I got the wrath of the pack saying I was bullying children and they were going to tell their Mom's.  I realized it was only going to get worse so I deleted what I could and simmered in anger for awhile.  Bubba was ready and on the prowl.  I realize they are just immature kids and they pulled the ugly out in me as well.  We all have a little in us.  One thing I do know, I will never trust these frienemies ever again.... EVER.  They had me fooled and showed their true colors and they had a lot of fun and  thought it was  fun  to  hurt Stevi so much that  her mom got upset.  Pretty sad.  I now realize that they are allowed to wallow in their own shit and that they obviously love to stir it up and don't have any other way of bullying except over the internet because they can't actually do something to someone's face and apparently have nothing better to do on a Saturday night.  I had a fantastic purge party last night and unsubscribed  these fabulously raised children.  They sad thing is, I am friends with one of the kids parents and I would never have the heart to tell them what a shit head he is.  None of these kids have respect for themselves , others or adults and it really is sad.  I am done being pissed off.  I can't even pity them at this point.  I know one thing, I hope I never see them at the school or elsewhere, especially anytime soon.  Stevi can let it go because she is so over the High School drama and is too nice to actually fight over it (she infact cares about hurting others),  I on the other hand am new to this and have never been as nice and sweet as my daughter.  I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, once you cross the line, I never forget....And I won't....Good luck out there kiddo's ....You will need it, Karma is one Hell of a Bitch.

Stevi and her true Bestie, Alyssa........

My Top 10 Beauty picks of all time....

Being a woman of 43, and in the beauty industry for 20 years, I have tried just about everything.  Here are my top 10 picks of all beauty products and a little reason why, if you have any questions about any of them, comment below or FB or text me! 

All around skin care was a tie between Dermalogica and Clinique.  Price wise about the same, but both lines have something to offer for every body and they also work well together.  Now that Dermalogica is available at Ulta, it makes it easier to get , before you could only purchase it from a Dermatologist or an Esthetician  .  All in all, every product from the cleansers to the moisturizers Number one in my book!

• For Mascara I used to be hooked on Lancome until I found this inexpensive amazing Mascara.  Not only does it lengthen and separate your lashes, it you can cry in it, it is water resistant , not water proof, and it doesn't smudge under your eyes if you have oily skin or old skin like me!

• Hands down for my professional make up kit and for me, Stevi, anyone , MAC make- up has the best selection, pigment, staying power, for lips, eyes and cheeks and all liners are amazing.  Bonus, if you are a professional in the industry, for $25 a year you can carry a pro-card which entitles you to 30% off all products and access to attend all of their makeup courses.

• Foundation, sunscreen, cover-up and primers... top of the list is definitely Colorescience.  Expensive yes, but if you can afford it, it can be purchased through your Dermatologist or the Dermstore.com  website.  Stevi HAS to use it, I love the fact that all products have close to 50 SPF, vitamins and looks completely natural despite giving you 100% coverage when needed.  The Sunscreen powders give you a flawless airbrushed look without any make up underneath and all are water resistant against sweat etc. LOVE LOVE LOVE!

• Tried and true in this climate, and CHEAP, for skin, after shower or bath good old Vaseline, my daughter saw it in Walmart, long forgotten by me and wanted to know what the Hell it was so we bought some and now she loves the way it makes her skin so soft.  I was using it as make-up remover but now I lather my body in it, and my skin is soft, don't need to reapply lotion throughout the day, on my lips, tops of my cheeks for a dewy glow...endless possibilities, I even put it on the ends of my hair when I get too much frizz and I'm in a hurry, yes, it's the duct tape of beauty staples!

• Newer to the market, Number 1 to all my clients and family members that have tried it are now hooked, DermOrganic hair products.  Every product works with every hair type, it is amazing,  you can get it from Me, or any Hairstyling that carries the line. I love it so much if you do a special order with me, I will give you a 25% discount when you pick it up.  The product line is new and currently has Shampoo, Conditioner, Masque, Oil, Volume Foam and Fast Dry Shaping Spray. All my favorites.  If you need a smoother, not worries, the oil works on its own and a small amount after flat iron makes the hair as shiny as JLO's!

• Must have a Ceramic 1" flat iron!  Not only does it smooth out unruly hair, you can use it to curl as well!  Ceramic!  Many good ones one the market, but please don't spend under $50, do yourself a favor, quality is best in this tool.

• For problem skin, this is the best product to clear it up!  Only problem is it is prescription, you can get it from yo Dermatologist.  I can't live without it...I've tried!

• Last but not least, again this is a prescription and yes it is expensive. But it does work, and I love it.  I started pulling my eyelashes out, (stress yucky thing I know) and my Doctor prescribed this because I got sick of wearing falsies. It's expensive and works amazingly, now I won't touch my lashes and I get compliments on my lashes a lot, thank you Latisse and Covergirl .

I hope some of these were helpful, God knows they have all helped me!

Handing over the reigns......

I did it today......I passed the baton to Jay.  Whew, that is hard.  I am such a control freak, so used to doing it myself and not asking for help unless it is absolutely necessary.  He now has Fridays off so he can get stuff done while I am at work and for some reason I have always been scared to ask him for help.  There used to be a time when asking him and getting him to agree was such an effort I just quit asking him to help me anymore.  He sees me, through me, how tired and defeated I am and he is helping as much as possible.  One thing I have always handled is the scheduling, finances, phone calls, calendar.  You will only get help if you ask for it.  One thing I have learned is it usually needs to be asked for, I can't expect it to just happen.  When it does........I'm so happy I can't stand it.  So today he is handling all of Stevi's needs...rides, questions, plans... which as you know if you have a teenager can change instantaneously.  Another thing he handled today was going to the Union Hall and fighting it out with Human Resources about the fact that the insurance won't cover Stevi going to the Pediatric Gastroenologist (sp?) because the preferred provider list has a few to choose from.  None are Pediatric and the other specialists won't touch her because she is only 15...It's detrimental to her health and my General Practitioner filed a formal complaint with the Insurance Commissioner yesterday about it because she can only see this particular GI doctor, who actually takes our insurance.  They can't seem to locate him on the provider list so they are denying it.  My doctor spent an hour and 20 minute on the phone fighting with the insurance company.  He is livid, I am scared.  When serious enough, Celiacs Disease can lead to Crones Disease and eventually after they have removed enough of your intestines, you end up with a Colostomy Bag or possibly death.  Jay spent a couple hours and we are still...excuse me, Jay is waiting for a call back from the Union advocate.  They are trying to make concessions because we have had her covered for the last 15 years and we have no other options at this point.  I want to ask him so many questions but he said this morning..."Don't stress, I've got this..."  So I am trying......

Am I just tired?

I feel like I have the flu, I am having severe stomach problems, (what's new right?), I have no energy, I feel like I have a fever (but I don't my temperature is 97.1 hmm?)  I just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep and whine like my little mini Doxie does.  I'm stressed, no lie, I haven't had time to exercise and I am following the same diet Stevi is on so I know exactly what she is going through with these strict dietary guidelines.  I'm sure I am not getting enough calories, yet neither is Stevi and my brain is on overload with all this new information I need to absorb.  Thank God this week I am booked solid for a full 5 days because that hasn't happened in years.  God's way of helping me put money back into the bank that has been coming out sooner than I am making it.


I finally made the time to get into my Therapist's office and was able to unload and have myself a little pity party and a mental breakdown in the safety of her office and her response to me was......"When you are on an airline the first thing the Stewardess tells you to do if the plane is going down is to put your air mask on first before helping others......why do you think that is?"


"Because I can't help anyone else if I'm dead or unconscious ...."


She said..."You are absolutely right, if you don't take care of your self first , you are not able to help everyone else successfully, you can't help them if you let yourself fall apart."


We know this.  We are told this, yet as women, we need to fix, protect, placate, and take care of every situation first...and there is never anything left in us , for us.  I really wanted to go to Cross Fit tonight, I really need it for me, but for me today I saw my Therapist  and I really needed to talk to her.  My decision not to go to Cross Fit was weighed back and forth heavily.  Do I go?  I really should and I need to.  Or do I go home because I only slept 3 hours last night and feel like I've been hit by a truck?


Since Stevi has gotten so sick and sensitive to just about all foods unless its fresh, organic with no cross contamination, I have been reading, learning, studying labels , staying up late and getting up early, running her to Doctor appointments, the pharmacy, running to the school.  Basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've been on the phone with Doctors and insurance companies and pharmacies for endless hours.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and stressed out to the point I feel like an overwound rubber band ready to break or unravel like crazy. Yet, I get up, go to work, smile on cue and drop everything for everyone else when needed.

Maybe I'm just tired............

Momma's proud and mad as Hell...

https://fbcdn-video-a.akamaihd.net/cfs-ak-ash4/437143/957/393679663980688_28450.mp4?oh=4aa98ac77584bf212606907deda7331e&oe=4F470D00&__gda__=1330056448_34b7e82f405d4e869f0eee59d79883ff

 I hope I did this correct so you can go to the link....

All of you that read me know that Stevi has been sick for a while and we are trying to get to the bottom of it, so when her friends asked her to load a video of her singing, she really didn't want to because she was nervous but most of her friends have heard her sing, jokingly or to a song she loves, or in the bathroom while she is getting ready.  So she did.  She had 100's of happy, sweet and amazed compliments but of course there where 2-3 girls that bombarded her with negative mean comments that took the wind out of her sails and she was deleting them as fast as they were coming.  These 3 girls, one of them used to be her best friend, but for obvious reasons, they are no longer friends, and the other two are a Junior and a Senior in her school, one of which she thought was a friend.  The two older girls pretty much ganged up on her then on her friends that were defending her who were saying they have heard her sing and it is clearly her singing in the video.  She just got her Monroe re-pierced which makes her have a bit of a lisp on some of her S's which I think is funny and cute, so it's not as sharp as the first time she recorded it into my iphone.  She found a cover on You tube with a similar voice and loved the style the girl sang it in and has practiced to that particular cover, over and over until she felt it was perfect, perfect to her, to share it to the world.  I am proud of her.  That takes courage, especially from a Freshman girl who goes to a school where there are a lot of Evil girls.  Thankfully, the amazing amount of friends that stood up for her and some girls that said they didn't really know her but loved it stood up for her too.  She actually had to delete and block these girls and as immature as it was,  Bubba took over and I had to defend her on some of the comments.  I know it's just a bunch of crap and these mindless idiot girls really have nothing better to do than put someone down to make themselves feel better about how catty and snotty they are, but after seeing her so defeated the last two weeks and for her to put herself out there is a big deal.  Thank you to all of the wonderful friends, Mom's and family member that had her back.  I know there was some language going on on some of her comments that have been deleted and one of her posts was very angry and heartfelt.  As upset as she was with the bricks being thrown at her by these "sweet" girls, I didn't tell her to take it off.  I hope I did the link properly above, I think if you click on it, it will take you to her video.  If not, go to my homepage and you can find it there.  Next song she posts, she will change some words and sing her name into the end so these "clearly expert" girls can say all they want.  I'm sure they feel like idiots, as they should, the grenades where being thrown back at them as soon as they landed on Stevi............You are all amazing friends for her.  Thank you.

My 15 hour vacation from the world.....

As I fall into the slumber of comfortable sleep

the sun starts to kiss my face like a forgotten lover

I groan and snuggle towards the warmth like a baby to a mother.

My body gives in to the comfort of the night

I surrender completely forgetting the day

and what tomorrow may bring.

A soft breeze caresses my face as I fight to stay awake

worried I may miss something

and am lulled into a zone of complete nothingness.

I forget the day, the week, the month

I must be smiling as my eyes are closed

happiness surrounds me.

Like a mothers love

whispers of encouragement surround me

saying tomorrow is a new day.

 I smile and open my eyes

as I look around my room, I am home

For 15 hours I was in paradise.

Fun Fact and Senses.........

Creative Expression? or Weird?

Being broke in this economy and also needing date time with the Hubs and mindless evenings for my sanity, I now rely on Groupon or Deal Chicken for the deals of the day to actually be able to justify a date, even though every couple in the world needs to date each other forever to erase the mundane details of our lives.  The Groupon I found last week was a dinner and show package to see Senses at the  Grand Sierra Resort and the dinner package was for Briscola, their Italian restaurant , the deal was dinner and the show for 2 for $27.  Sold!  Now I do have to say that I have never even heard of Briscola and not only was the ambiance beautiful but the dinner was delicious.  I had the Swordfish with buttered asparagus, Jay had Linguini with clams, which Jay loved and for desert, my girlfriend Lori and I split the vanilla bean with honey fruit .  YUMMY!  The show, well the show....how do I explain this.  Jay said "It was better than mowing the lawn..." and we all agreed.  The costumes were beautiful and the women were beautiful, no doubt.  I am not sure but the show was an expression of sexual freedom, appealing to all sexualities, gay or straight, there was one violent expression.  They were all in great shape, but the choreography was a bit umm... confusing.  The blond naked lady on the screen with a voice that sounded like she was trying to be sexy on Helium, completely confused me and threw me off, then she would walk naked through the audience and let men smell her...?

Grand Sierra Resort

This may have been a cultural expression we didn't understand.  There were quite a few Asians at the show that seemed to really enjoy it.  The Caucasians in the group all seemed confused.  The clapping was more like a confused golf clap.  Like Jay said, better than mowing the lawn, and the dinner was fantastic.

Money, Money, Money

Now for the fun fact.  Jay worked for Accurate Concrete from 1994-1998, and they poured the front steps and loading docks at Grand Sierra Resort, but at the time I believe it was the Hilton.  They did what the call a "Money Pour".  When they were filling in the steps and the loading dock, they dug one area of the loading dock, by the Sports book, so the North West loading dock, deeper and filled it with old casino chips.  That is how Casino's get rid of old chips.  Fun Fact!  Have a great week!

Sweetness to make a Mother cry......

 With the last week being turned upside down because of Stevi's health suddenly in danger, I have been on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  A mother worries about her children's health and happiness more than a child will ever realize until they have children of their own.  Yesterday since I kept Stevi out of school to get her to the Dr. appointments I told her to bring the two pairs of jeans she needed to exchange.  One had torn out the butt when she put her foot into it after only wearing them twice and the other pair was a pair of Miss Me jeans that kept losing buttons even after having them repaired.  At $109 per pair, they exchange them with no questions asked when there is a problem, thank God.  What Mothers don't realize is that while we are worrying endlessly about them, they in fact are worrying about us worrying about them.  She browsed around Shepler's for a few minutes and tried on a couple of pairs of jeans then said she didn't like any of them and she wanted me to get a pair for myself.  The jeans we were exchanging I had bought her for Christmas so I told her no way, she needed to get herself something.  She said if I didn't get myself a pair of jeans, there would be a scene and she would fight with me until I gave in.  Of course that is all it took to start me crying.  She said, "Mommy, I just want you to have something, please just try these on..."  She handed me my size and I went to the dressing room, then came out to model then for her like she does for me.  She said "Those look GREAT on you!  Get them!"   Again I said I couldn't do it and she turned into me then said something I would have said to her...."Just get the fucking jeans!"  I was shocked speechless and she said..."If you want me to say that louder so people think that is how I talk to you while you are crying I will, or you can get the jeans and we won't have an embarrassing scene."  She won.  I cried and today I looked fabulous in my new Miss Me jeans, regardless of how tired I really felt, I wanted to walk around and proudly announce that my daughter had given me my new jeans.  So here it is.........Look up ^.... MY DAUGHTER GOT ME THESE!!!! Thanks Stevi!  Love you my little Whooty!

Whooty.........

Wheat fee, Gluten Free, Soy Free, Nut Free, Corn Free, Pork Free, Shellfish Free........

 Stevi and I went to a specialist today to try to pinpoint her allergies.  The tests came back positive for 100's of allergies, some small, some very serious.  Yes she did test positive for the allergies to wheat and gluten...easy once you know.  Not for us.  Not only is she allergic to wheat and gluten which seems to be in everything, she is also allergic to any tree nut, soy and corn (which is in most gluten free items), pork and shellfish.  So allergic in fact, the Dr. gave her another prescription for an additional epipen, and an inhaler, both of which she must have on her at all times, and she is now on prednisone to help with her hives and itching.  As of now, she needs to stop taking all antihistamines for at least 72 hours and Monday we go back and she will be getting the allergy scratch test since the blood tests are not as accurate as far as which allergies are deadly and which once are just going to be irritating to her.  Monday will take about two hours and we should know exactly which ones are life threatening to her and which ones she may just have an intolerance to, as of now  she is to stay away from ALL gluten, wheat, soy, corn, shellfish, nuts, and even salmon, which includes all bi-products and possible cross contaminations.  She will be put on a '504' at school which is for all students with any life threatening diseases, allergies or health issues.  There have been a lot of tears, me and her and Daddy, try shopping with a 15 year old and looking at the boxes and essentially putting everything back on the shelf.  Next time you shop, or go to your cupboard  try to find 3 things within 5 minutes... bet you can't.  She can have beef, chicken, rice, potatoes and all fresh fruits and vegetables, except corn...sounds easy, but it isn't.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks must all be eaten this way.


After her Dr. appointment she was starving of course so I took her to PF Chang's, they have a Gluten free menu.  But all gluten free cooking contains soy or corn of some sort in the sauces.  We told the waitress and she was AMAZING!!!! She went and got a print out of the menu eliminating all of her allergies and brought the manager to us.  The only thing she could have was the Budda's Feast with steamed white rice.  But the manager took one look at her disappointed face and said, "We can steam some chicken for you so it doesn't touch the grill and steam the rice and vegetables so we don't risk it coming in contact with any other ingredients..."  So that is what we had, the waitress and the manager came over more than a few times to ask how it was, if she felt OK and the waitress actually sat at our table and talked to Stevi about how hard it must be and some of the diets she has had to be on herself.  Then out of the blue she asked Stevi..."CAN YOU HAVE HONEY?!"  "Yes" Stevi replied.  She said.." I'll be right back I have a special treat for you!"  She left and came back proudly holding 2 smoothies for us that she had made in the back, by herself with honey and fresh berries.  Not only did she make them herself, she didn't charge us and again the manager came over and asked if it was good.  The best service I think I may have ever had with genuine concern and kindness.  The waitress' name is Asshlee Lanskey, she is a beautiful young black woman from Alabama and she has  just moved here.  If you go in to PF Changs' please ask for her and  you will be treated well with a smile and nice sweet conversation.  When you have special needs like that, a lot of servers would fake it or even be put out... I am still speechless at the care we were given and the kindness to a 15 year old girl who is having a difficult time realizing that this is going to change the way she eats for the rest of her life.  Thank you Asshlee... from now on, if we are able to go to dinner, we will be dining in your section. 

27 reasons why he's been my Valentine for 27 years.....

 For 27 years he has been my tried and true Valentine......I love you so much Honey.  Here is a small list of reasons......27 to be exact......

Prom 1985

1.  You think I'm pretty without any make-up on.
2.  You think I'm cute even though I'm a Bull in a China Store.
3.   You like my butt...even though it's not quite the same as it used to be.
4.   You make me perfect eggs for breakfast , because I suck at it.
5.   You hold me when I need it, even though it hurts you shoulder.
6.   You cry with me, over everything and nothing.
7.   You are tough for me when I can't be anymore.
8.   You laugh at me or with me when I am standing there confused and forgot what I am doing.
9.   You do your own laundry so I don't have yet another chore to do.
10.   You make the bed when I forget (sometimes) 
11.   You have been my best friend no matter how stupid I've been.
12.   You love me even though I am turning into my Mother more and more every day.
13.   You gave me two beautiful children.
14.   You helped with my Mom's dog, no questions asked late at night.
15.   You've held my purse for me in bar fights (lol had to throw that one in!)
16.    You try helping fold laundry , (it's not pretty, but I love that you are helping)
17.   You worry too much about me.
18.   You cook a majority of dinners when we are home together and make sure we eat right.
19.   You make me coffee on the weekends.
20.    You take me on dates when I need it no matter how small.
21.   You make me miss you when you're gone.
22.   You send me sweet and romantic text messages every single day, no matter how long we've been apart.
23.   You drive when I'm too tired or having a Hypo-glycemic attack.
24.   You always think I smell good.. ( That CAN'T be true)
25.   You still stare at me.
26.   You always kiss me like you mean it.
27.   You tell me everyday how much you love me.

Wedding 1986

In a Lover's Embrace.....

He caresses her as the ice cubes cause the sweat to run down her neck

To him she is beautiful, sexy

She holds him in her warm embrace tightly as I watch 

He loses all control as he folds into her arms.

She is his beautiful, reliable, mistress

I can't offer him what she can while I watch helplessly 

He falls deeper, within her charms.

I beg and plead for him to leave her

Yet he can't

His love for her is too strong 

I realize I no longer have his undivided attention

My beauty has faded as hers has only become more beguiling.

She smells delicious and tastes to perfection

As I watch him close his eyes in ecstasy as she slides down his neck

I watch helplessly, in pain

I have lost his interest and she has his full attention.

He begs me not to leave him because he needs me to live

Yet, he cannot leave the lady he loves

She will only cause him pain

Once again I will always be there to pick up the pieces.

Back in the Saddle.......

The clouds are starting to clear...
 

This week was exhausting but it was such a great week.  It was a roller coaster of emotion and at one point I said to my friend Sherry.."Bring it on, what's next!?"  Her response was..."Quit asking for it..."  She is so right.  Ever since my Dad died in 2006, with the economy tanking, it has been one thing after another.  I generally have a positive outlook and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I must admit, when I broke my ankle 9 weeks ago, I felt defeat.  My exercise program was the glue to keeping me whole and feeling sane.  I felt great and was looking great.  Then I hit the wall.  With Jay out of town, Stevi being sick a lot, business down, the broken ankle, the house flooding, my Mom's dog dying, the IRS chasing me, getting food poisoning, losing our house, my Harley and closing the salon I worked so hard to build, I sometimes wanted to crawl into a hole in the fetal position and just go to sleep.  Not being able to sleep is a big issue especially emotionally and physically.  It begins to take its toll on anyone.

Since Jay is now home, he got laid off and starts a job in Incline Village on Monday working 4-10's which will be awesome, and Stevi just finished cheer season, we will be able to have family dinners again.  Also, with Jay home, I won't have to do all the running around and with a possible diagnosis for Stevi's constant illness, we now are forced to change the household to a Wheat free, Gluten free zone to make it easy for her.  I just finished Cross Fit this morning and it was an amazing workout that felt so good I could of cried!  I didn't crave the usual daily naughty coffee, but instead stopped at the Jus Bar and got an Age Reversal juice with spinach and chugged that down feeling even better. There are a lot of Sun ray's coming through the clouds, we got the flooring replaced this morning and after 5 weeks, I may be able to actually do our laundry at home.  Stevi will have more free time and wants to start going to Cross Fit with me and probably start dance again as well as Volleyball and practice her singing.  I now need to look forward to what life has to give instead of looking back to what life has taken.  We are all struggling to survive.  I now  realize that I had lost my ability to see all the good in the world and I chose to start living happy and stress free.  My neck is back in place, weekly visits to the Chiropractor have helped me with that, I have eliminated my freebies, given the kids money towards their wedding at the end of June, gotten through cheer seasons hectic schedule with Jay living out of town , I am able to hike again, run a little and exercise.   Now we will be eating healthy and my body can already feel the difference.  So I chose to dismount my horse I've been riding to the pity party and start this rodeo all over again, after all, it's not my first.

The Insomniac is back.....

I will keep this short but sweet since my brain is refusing to work for me right at the moment.  I have had a pretty stressful week...I think Sunday night if I am lucky I may have gotten 2 hours of sleep, and Tuesday night I couldn't sleep more than maybe 4 hours.  I think I may have gotten around 5 to 5 1/2 hours of on and off sleep on Wednesday night, oh, I think I skipped Monday night....Did that happen?  I don't know that I got any sleep, maybe 3 hours.  In desperation Thursday night I took a Benedryl since I ran out of my prescribed Xanax that seemed to help but I didn't really feel that I really needed it....apparently I did.  Why is it when you take medication and it starts working, you feel that you don't need it anymore?  So.... I am so stupid that I called my doctor and told him I didn't think I needed to rely on it anymore....now, I have to wait two weeks to get something if I need it since we use Medco , a mail in pharmacy.......which I hate!  So last night I got maybe and hour and 1/2.. the last time I looked at the clock, it was 4:20am and then I think I finally fell asleep, and Jay's alarm went off at 5...5:10.....5:20......5:30.....then I asked him what time he needed to get up? 7:30...that's why he was snoozing it.  Fabulous, so I was up basically all night.  We are watching Contagion right now so I need to go, but lets see if I can make it through the movie, or not, if I don't, at least I can get some sleep.

My daughter the Celiac?

The Epipen in case ......

 Since she was 10, she has had stomach problems, I thought she may be lactose intolerant, sometimes I thought it was an excuse to be a picky eater.  Like me she has issues with her stomach..(If you read my blog on the 5th 'Let's talk Poo', you know what I am talking about.  It is frustrating as a parent to have a child who is sick all the time and has a stomach ache, cramps and other issues.  We have been to the doctor multiple times and she has been treated for acid reflux. Unsuccessfully. Yesterday morning it was my Mom's turn to rescue us.  She woke me up at 6 am freaking out because she thought she had chicken pox.  As she scratched herself like a dog with fleas, I assured her she was having an allergic reaction and she was broken out with hives.  We got her under control with Benedryl and Hydro cortisone Cream so she calmed down and I called my Mom.  As I was calling my Mom, she started to try to get ready for the day and started freaking out again because her face was burning.  I looked at her and she looked like she had chemical burns or like she had gone snow skiing and had severe wind burn.  So I made her wash her face and nothing we tried would relieve the burning.  I made her an appointment with the doctor and she got in with one of his assistants.  She made herself a list of all her ailments and brought them with her when my mom came to take her.  She needed to be tested for Celiac Disease.  Why didn't I think of that!?  I have so many clients with this disease and I never ever thought that would be what would come up.  It all makes sense.  I read all day yesterday and until 3 am this morning.  I did research with google and all my clients that are living with this disease.  If this is what it is, which makes perfect sense, it would explain every issue she is having and can be controlled primarily with diet changes.  It's amazing how many foods contain wheat or gluten products.  Below is a basic list of Okay foods and not okay foods. We are assuming this is the problem and are trying to be proactive as this is a healthy way to eat with or without Celiac Disease.  It's the clean way to eat and is the basis for many diets such as P90X and the Paleo and Mediterranean diets. This is a very healthy lifestyle change so we will see if it makes a difference and I still need to call the doctor for the lab results,  I'm almost thinking that Jayson and I may have at least an intolerance.  It would certainly explain a lot of my issues that just have become regular to me.  Although it took me 20 minutes to find Gluten Free cereal and Soy milk (Rice Chex has 5 varieties)  I am now aware of the options out there since this seems to be an epidemic. Stevi had a party for cheer this afternoon after school, and it was really difficult for her, she was able to have Corn chips and cheese, but my friend Barb told me that the new coffee shop Lighthouse Cafe on the corner of Pyramid and Eagle Canyon, right near our home and the school, that gets a new delivery every Thursday afternoon of all locally baked Gluten Free pastries, cookies, do-nuts and scones, they also have bread.  I have gotten quite an education and a quick look into a world of frustration and serious allergic reactions.  All I want is my daughter to feel good and normal and to not have to cover up rashes and other skin ailments.  I have a long road of educating myself ahead of me, and I intend to make sure my daughter is healthy, happy and comfortable.  

Love is a Battlefield..........

Ready to play rough
If it's right, it's left, if it's blue it's navy. If it happened at Monday morning at 10 it was 10:15.   It's exhausting.  It's always a battle.  Even in a good mood, I am corrected, given the look, told I am annoying, telling a story wrong, I already said that, I mispronounced a word.  I'm driving too fast, I'm driving to slow.  Why did I park right there. Bring me food, bring me money, OK now leave.  Don't talk to my friends it's embarrassing.  What are you wearing!?  Help me with my hair please, then grab the brush or pull away because I am not doing it right.

Can also be so sweet

I want it like this, so and so has, it..."I don't know how to create that.." then go learn.  I want this color, that isn't right!  Why are you on Facebook, don't talk to my friends and comment, It's weird and embarrassing. Why do you laugh so loud, you have already told me that 100 times, I heard you the first time!  NO, "just do it.." No, I don't want to.... "Do your chores"  I will... the next day "Do your chores"  I WILL... 4 days later "Please do your chores"  ugh... God Mommy I have homework and I'm tired!  Right now!?  "Yes right now"  STOMP STOMP STOMP... oh and don't forget the look.  Pick me up from school.."how was your day?" the look, fine.... I need a new outfit and money, "I don't have any money right now.." Ugh, fine!  but I need it.  I need to go to Walmart for printer ink..."It's 11 o'clock at night, do you need it right now? Can it wait?"  No I need it for a project tomorrow...panicking, get into the car and go....

Even though I never missed a game, the fact that I take pictures is just annoying.

Then, I love you Mommy are you OK? I'm sorry...I love you... I SAID I LOVE YOU!  Can you bring me to school in the morning and pick me up at the sign after school.  Quit asking so many questions. Mommy I need you now....that won't work, I don't want to.  Quit freaking out!  I know she loves me but cut me some slack.... the moment she sees me it's on.....


Yes, I have a teenage daughter.

R.I.P. Chyla..................... :'''-((((

My Mom and Chyla Sunday night after 2 of the episodes

Today is going to be a rough day but it's all about the right thing to do.  Many of you have had to make this difficult decision and it is never an easy decision for any reason.

We have all been able to say our Goodbyes.
My Mom saw Chyla 8 years ago at a Pet store that had rescue animals that day and noticed her but just wasn't ready for another dog.  After she and my sister left she kept thinking about Chyla and said that nobody would end up rescuing her because she was so ugly. (Her ugliness is what has made her so endearing and beautiful to our family.)  My sister basically talked her into going back and it was the best decision she ever made.  From that day forward, that dog never left her side.

A great hiking and snowshoeing companion

Chyla came on every crazy hiking adventure we have been on until she started getting too old, she is now 12 years old, very old for a boxer and it really wasn't until this last year that she really started showing her age.  She even went on the hike from Hell with us and trusted us 100% and did what ever we asked of her, jumping over an Icy creek and trusting me to catch her by her collar and fling her across to my Mom who was patiently waiting upside down in a snow bank because I did the same thing to her using the handle of her backpack.  That day was a miracle that we all made it out alive...but that story is for another day.

Love this photo

There was also another hike that we went on that we ended up crossing several water falls, it was on the shady side of a mountain and some of them were pretty icy, she trusted us there as well and with a little coaxing we all made it across. She never doubted that we would never let any harm come to her.

My Mom and her faithful companion

Chyla stayed by my Mom's side when my Dad passed away in 2006 and has greeted her with tail wagging and slept by the side of her bed, even keeping her recliner warm for her when she was away ever since...At one time, she even tried answering the phone for my Mom, so now anyone that doesn't know which buttons go where on that lovely cordless phone, you need to ask...it still works... we aren't sure who she was chatting with that day, but by the chew marks on the phone, it's pretty obvious it was someone for Chyla.

The tongue has always been a focal point to her  beauty
Sunday, my Mom and Chyla came over to our house for the Superbowl, and as usual, she brought Chyla, Jayson and Guoda brought Hart.  We had the back door open for the boxers since they can't fit through our tiny Weenie Doggie Door and Chyla got here first.  She wasn't acting herself and seemed uncomfortable.  She kept getting up and pacing, unusual for her and stretching.  After a bit of in and out, we decided to just leave the back door open.  Jayson  and Guoda arrived with Hart and she was back to being a puppy playing with him and showing off.  Shortly after, Jayson said "There is something wrong with Chyla outside"  We think it may have been a heart attack because she has severe heart problems now, but by the time we all got out there, she was down and struggling.  I got the dogs inside and shut the door to go back to help my Mom and Jayson and just in those few moments, she was gone.  Tongue out, no breathing, limp and eyes starting to bulge out of her head.  I ran in to get Jay, to help and Stevi and Guoda came outside, she was gone.  No life.  As we all were around her saying our goodbyes my Mom was crying and petting her saying the things you say when you don't want someone to leave you and after around 3 minutes, she gasped for breath, and started breathing.  Very confused and still limp but alive.  I ran in and got the doggie bed to make her more comfortable and a blanket to get her into the house because it was a bit chilly out and so Jay and Jayson lifted her onto the bed and brought it into the house into our computer room so we  could make her more comfortable since we knew what was happening.  After putting a doggie gate in the door, my Mom and I stayed with her petting and loving her, cleaning her up because she had backyard grit on her.  Then she heard Raider whining for her and she got up, very gingerly to go see him.  She wanted to be with the other dogs, so we let her...Weird.

After that we brought the doggie bed into the living room so she could be with the family and other K-9's and seemed to slowly get better, not normal but better.  Superbowl ended and my Mom got her into the car to head home.  Around 2 miles from my house, she had to pull over and resuscitate her because it had happened again.  She called me and we knew it was only a matter of time so Jay, Stevi and I headed over to finish digging a hole that Chyla had been working on in the back yard for awhile and figured that this is where so would like to be when she passes.  We got to my Moms and felt morbid as we dug the hole, because ChylaChyla weighs 80-85 lbs. and I knew she would need my help putting her to rest.  As soon as we got home my Mom called and she was dying, she had eliminated and was in the throws of death.  I said "I'm on my way."  Left the family at home and went to help my Mom bury her.  I arrived at my Mom's house and guess who greeted me ?  You guessed it Chyla.  Knowing it must be near, my Mom and I sat at the table having a "Fucking Martini" and exchanging stories as Chyla rested.  I ended up spending the night because we were sure it would be Sunday night, Monday morning.  She was weak Monday and had a vacant look in her eyes and an awful smell, but she just wasn't ready to leave my Mom.  We think she was being stoic for my Mom and had to tell her it was OK to go and I would always make sure my Mom was taken care of . After some discussion and very difficult decision, I called my old friend Kathleen Green DVM who comes to the home to help in those final days.  If we were to continue to let her have these moments, heart attacks or whatever they are , she would be very uncomfortable and eventually the brain damage would take over.  So after 3 bouts of death, the decision was made to let her have peace and no more discomfort.  Kathleen is meeting me at my Moms house at 10 am this morning. Not anything I am looking forward to at all, but I need to be there for my Mom and Chyla so we can have a good peaceful goodbye then cry our eyes out.  So it is with heavy heart that I end this story as I need to put my shoes on and go be there for my Mom.  Chyla, you have been the best dog ever and been there for not only my Mom, but all the grand children and really are a part of the family.  You can NEVER be replaced, we love you so much.....
R.I.P. Chyla......2000-2012

The cousins, in our family all family members are included in gatherings