Thursday, August 9, 2007

Sober.......


Well, my husband is finally going to AA. This picture you see above you, I hope will not ever be taken again unless he has an O'Douls in his hand. He is an alcohalic and it has been a very rough and emotional road for our whole family. He was sober once for 6 years ( the best 6 years of our lives together) but then one day he had that one drink and never stopped. Those of you who read this are probably wondering if his accident was alcohal related, hmm, umm yeah. Amazing that he survived, amazing we are still married, amazing how one person can hide so much and the other person gets so good at covering up and putting on a happy face. Well guess what, I am not covering for him anymore, he decided he didn't want a divorce so the other option for him is to get sober, He started AA and is now going to church with us again. Please pray for him so he gets better. I love him when he is sober, can't stand him when he is drunk, but underneath that drunk jerk is a wonderful, loving , caring husband and father who has a good heart and is a great provider. I decided I will not cover for him anymore, I will not cry anymore , nor will I let him abuse me and my heart. I hope he loves himself enough to stay sober, I have loved him enough to stand by him for 21 years......the ice is starting to melt around my heart, but I am scared to let down my guard.......I just want to be happy again, truly happy without hiding behind my mask, it has been awhile, but I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, hopefully it involves him, but that is a choice he needs to make for himself, I can't make it for him. I will be there for him, whether we stay married or not, but I hope this nightmare is over for us......it hasn't been easy.

2 comments:

madre adoptiva said...

Oh sis... it took such bravery for you to post that. You both are in my prayers. It will take every ounce of strength and will power he has to remain sober, but it will also take an understanding that he has a lot to lose... his family. You are so incredibly strong and I know you are his rock... which is not an easy thing to be for someone. So, if you ever need someone to be your rock, I'm here. I love you!

Mom said...

And you know that I'm here for you ALWAYS! I love you too!