"A Prince in Heaven"

With heavy hearts we feel sadness, anger and confusion

when someone leaves before we are ready.

 Feeling numb and like zombies we go throughout our day

While a loved ones world has just been turned upside down.

We reach out for just the right words so say with kindness

love and gentleness

Some of us left with nothing  to say at all 

yet we all wonder,  why him?

It wasn't time yet , it was way too soon

he was young with a beautiful wife and family

who loved him with all their hearts,

 He has gone to a faraway place some only dream about.

After the pain has settled to a softness 

and your tears from heaven rain on your family

know that love and prayers surround them

with the kindness and love you once held onto each one of them.

You are now in a better place and not forgotten

neither will your family be

they will be surrounded by friends 

so they feel loved until they meet you again.

Rest in peace.......

It is with sadness that I dedicate this poem to Wendy, Morgan, Myrissa, Austin and Cammy.

How does a Mother protect a teenage daughter in this day of technology?

How does a mother protect a child these days?  It's nearly impossible.  Regardless of how you try, there is now texting, facebooking, bullying at school......

One way a mother can TRY, is to monitor Facebook, as I do, daily.  This is how I know who these kids really are.  Most of them have a different personality away from adults, but my eyes were opened pretty wide last night.

Once one negative comment goes on, the all start packing like wolves...kids that would never have to balls to say something to some one's face while looking them in the eye, all of a sudden can become vicious, mean and uncaring.  I couldn't take it anymore and jumped in on the pack trying to get them to stop.  Some did, but then as more started in on the "fun"  more comments kept coming and coming.  I got pretty pissed off and I tried to bite my tongue but I couldn't.  A few of these kids were actually friends, or so I thought that she has spent a LOT of time with away from school, on the phone etc. , over the last couple of years ,and I have become pretty fond of them.  One kid I've known since he was around 8, one girl she had as a team mate on one of her sports teams.  I did call the one I actually adored the most an asshole after awhile and then of course they turned it on me and I got the wrath of the pack saying I was bullying children and they were going to tell their Mom's.  I realized it was only going to get worse so I deleted what I could and simmered in anger for awhile.  Bubba was ready and on the prowl.  I realize they are just immature kids and they pulled the ugly out in me as well.  We all have a little in us.  One thing I do know, I will never trust these frienemies ever again.... EVER.  They had me fooled and showed their true colors and they had a lot of fun and  thought it was  fun  to  hurt Stevi so much that  her mom got upset.  Pretty sad.  I now realize that they are allowed to wallow in their own shit and that they obviously love to stir it up and don't have any other way of bullying except over the internet because they can't actually do something to someone's face and apparently have nothing better to do on a Saturday night.  I had a fantastic purge party last night and unsubscribed  these fabulously raised children.  They sad thing is, I am friends with one of the kids parents and I would never have the heart to tell them what a shit head he is.  None of these kids have respect for themselves , others or adults and it really is sad.  I am done being pissed off.  I can't even pity them at this point.  I know one thing, I hope I never see them at the school or elsewhere, especially anytime soon.  Stevi can let it go because she is so over the High School drama and is too nice to actually fight over it (she infact cares about hurting others),  I on the other hand am new to this and have never been as nice and sweet as my daughter.  I can be your best friend or your worst enemy, once you cross the line, I never forget....And I won't....Good luck out there kiddo's ....You will need it, Karma is one Hell of a Bitch.

Stevi and her true Bestie, Alyssa........

My Top 10 Beauty picks of all time....

Being a woman of 43, and in the beauty industry for 20 years, I have tried just about everything.  Here are my top 10 picks of all beauty products and a little reason why, if you have any questions about any of them, comment below or FB or text me! 

All around skin care was a tie between Dermalogica and Clinique.  Price wise about the same, but both lines have something to offer for every body and they also work well together.  Now that Dermalogica is available at Ulta, it makes it easier to get , before you could only purchase it from a Dermatologist or an Esthetician  .  All in all, every product from the cleansers to the moisturizers Number one in my book!

• For Mascara I used to be hooked on Lancome until I found this inexpensive amazing Mascara.  Not only does it lengthen and separate your lashes, it you can cry in it, it is water resistant , not water proof, and it doesn't smudge under your eyes if you have oily skin or old skin like me!

• Hands down for my professional make up kit and for me, Stevi, anyone , MAC make- up has the best selection, pigment, staying power, for lips, eyes and cheeks and all liners are amazing.  Bonus, if you are a professional in the industry, for $25 a year you can carry a pro-card which entitles you to 30% off all products and access to attend all of their makeup courses.

• Foundation, sunscreen, cover-up and primers... top of the list is definitely Colorescience.  Expensive yes, but if you can afford it, it can be purchased through your Dermatologist or the Dermstore.com  website.  Stevi HAS to use it, I love the fact that all products have close to 50 SPF, vitamins and looks completely natural despite giving you 100% coverage when needed.  The Sunscreen powders give you a flawless airbrushed look without any make up underneath and all are water resistant against sweat etc. LOVE LOVE LOVE!

• Tried and true in this climate, and CHEAP, for skin, after shower or bath good old Vaseline, my daughter saw it in Walmart, long forgotten by me and wanted to know what the Hell it was so we bought some and now she loves the way it makes her skin so soft.  I was using it as make-up remover but now I lather my body in it, and my skin is soft, don't need to reapply lotion throughout the day, on my lips, tops of my cheeks for a dewy glow...endless possibilities, I even put it on the ends of my hair when I get too much frizz and I'm in a hurry, yes, it's the duct tape of beauty staples!

• Newer to the market, Number 1 to all my clients and family members that have tried it are now hooked, DermOrganic hair products.  Every product works with every hair type, it is amazing,  you can get it from Me, or any Hairstyling that carries the line. I love it so much if you do a special order with me, I will give you a 25% discount when you pick it up.  The product line is new and currently has Shampoo, Conditioner, Masque, Oil, Volume Foam and Fast Dry Shaping Spray. All my favorites.  If you need a smoother, not worries, the oil works on its own and a small amount after flat iron makes the hair as shiny as JLO's!

• Must have a Ceramic 1" flat iron!  Not only does it smooth out unruly hair, you can use it to curl as well!  Ceramic!  Many good ones one the market, but please don't spend under $50, do yourself a favor, quality is best in this tool.

• For problem skin, this is the best product to clear it up!  Only problem is it is prescription, you can get it from yo Dermatologist.  I can't live without it...I've tried!

• Last but not least, again this is a prescription and yes it is expensive. But it does work, and I love it.  I started pulling my eyelashes out, (stress yucky thing I know) and my Doctor prescribed this because I got sick of wearing falsies. It's expensive and works amazingly, now I won't touch my lashes and I get compliments on my lashes a lot, thank you Latisse and Covergirl .

I hope some of these were helpful, God knows they have all helped me!

Handing over the reigns......

I did it today......I passed the baton to Jay.  Whew, that is hard.  I am such a control freak, so used to doing it myself and not asking for help unless it is absolutely necessary.  He now has Fridays off so he can get stuff done while I am at work and for some reason I have always been scared to ask him for help.  There used to be a time when asking him and getting him to agree was such an effort I just quit asking him to help me anymore.  He sees me, through me, how tired and defeated I am and he is helping as much as possible.  One thing I have always handled is the scheduling, finances, phone calls, calendar.  You will only get help if you ask for it.  One thing I have learned is it usually needs to be asked for, I can't expect it to just happen.  When it does........I'm so happy I can't stand it.  So today he is handling all of Stevi's needs...rides, questions, plans... which as you know if you have a teenager can change instantaneously.  Another thing he handled today was going to the Union Hall and fighting it out with Human Resources about the fact that the insurance won't cover Stevi going to the Pediatric Gastroenologist (sp?) because the preferred provider list has a few to choose from.  None are Pediatric and the other specialists won't touch her because she is only 15...It's detrimental to her health and my General Practitioner filed a formal complaint with the Insurance Commissioner yesterday about it because she can only see this particular GI doctor, who actually takes our insurance.  They can't seem to locate him on the provider list so they are denying it.  My doctor spent an hour and 20 minute on the phone fighting with the insurance company.  He is livid, I am scared.  When serious enough, Celiacs Disease can lead to Crones Disease and eventually after they have removed enough of your intestines, you end up with a Colostomy Bag or possibly death.  Jay spent a couple hours and we are still...excuse me, Jay is waiting for a call back from the Union advocate.  They are trying to make concessions because we have had her covered for the last 15 years and we have no other options at this point.  I want to ask him so many questions but he said this morning..."Don't stress, I've got this..."  So I am trying......

Am I just tired?

I feel like I have the flu, I am having severe stomach problems, (what's new right?), I have no energy, I feel like I have a fever (but I don't my temperature is 97.1 hmm?)  I just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep and whine like my little mini Doxie does.  I'm stressed, no lie, I haven't had time to exercise and I am following the same diet Stevi is on so I know exactly what she is going through with these strict dietary guidelines.  I'm sure I am not getting enough calories, yet neither is Stevi and my brain is on overload with all this new information I need to absorb.  Thank God this week I am booked solid for a full 5 days because that hasn't happened in years.  God's way of helping me put money back into the bank that has been coming out sooner than I am making it.


I finally made the time to get into my Therapist's office and was able to unload and have myself a little pity party and a mental breakdown in the safety of her office and her response to me was......"When you are on an airline the first thing the Stewardess tells you to do if the plane is going down is to put your air mask on first before helping others......why do you think that is?"


"Because I can't help anyone else if I'm dead or unconscious ...."


She said..."You are absolutely right, if you don't take care of your self first , you are not able to help everyone else successfully, you can't help them if you let yourself fall apart."


We know this.  We are told this, yet as women, we need to fix, protect, placate, and take care of every situation first...and there is never anything left in us , for us.  I really wanted to go to Cross Fit tonight, I really need it for me, but for me today I saw my Therapist  and I really needed to talk to her.  My decision not to go to Cross Fit was weighed back and forth heavily.  Do I go?  I really should and I need to.  Or do I go home because I only slept 3 hours last night and feel like I've been hit by a truck?


Since Stevi has gotten so sick and sensitive to just about all foods unless its fresh, organic with no cross contamination, I have been reading, learning, studying labels , staying up late and getting up early, running her to Doctor appointments, the pharmacy, running to the school.  Basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've been on the phone with Doctors and insurance companies and pharmacies for endless hours.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and stressed out to the point I feel like an overwound rubber band ready to break or unravel like crazy. Yet, I get up, go to work, smile on cue and drop everything for everyone else when needed.

Maybe I'm just tired............

Momma's proud and mad as Hell...

https://fbcdn-video-a.akamaihd.net/cfs-ak-ash4/437143/957/393679663980688_28450.mp4?oh=4aa98ac77584bf212606907deda7331e&oe=4F470D00&__gda__=1330056448_34b7e82f405d4e869f0eee59d79883ff

 I hope I did this correct so you can go to the link....

All of you that read me know that Stevi has been sick for a while and we are trying to get to the bottom of it, so when her friends asked her to load a video of her singing, she really didn't want to because she was nervous but most of her friends have heard her sing, jokingly or to a song she loves, or in the bathroom while she is getting ready.  So she did.  She had 100's of happy, sweet and amazed compliments but of course there where 2-3 girls that bombarded her with negative mean comments that took the wind out of her sails and she was deleting them as fast as they were coming.  These 3 girls, one of them used to be her best friend, but for obvious reasons, they are no longer friends, and the other two are a Junior and a Senior in her school, one of which she thought was a friend.  The two older girls pretty much ganged up on her then on her friends that were defending her who were saying they have heard her sing and it is clearly her singing in the video.  She just got her Monroe re-pierced which makes her have a bit of a lisp on some of her S's which I think is funny and cute, so it's not as sharp as the first time she recorded it into my iphone.  She found a cover on You tube with a similar voice and loved the style the girl sang it in and has practiced to that particular cover, over and over until she felt it was perfect, perfect to her, to share it to the world.  I am proud of her.  That takes courage, especially from a Freshman girl who goes to a school where there are a lot of Evil girls.  Thankfully, the amazing amount of friends that stood up for her and some girls that said they didn't really know her but loved it stood up for her too.  She actually had to delete and block these girls and as immature as it was,  Bubba took over and I had to defend her on some of the comments.  I know it's just a bunch of crap and these mindless idiot girls really have nothing better to do than put someone down to make themselves feel better about how catty and snotty they are, but after seeing her so defeated the last two weeks and for her to put herself out there is a big deal.  Thank you to all of the wonderful friends, Mom's and family member that had her back.  I know there was some language going on on some of her comments that have been deleted and one of her posts was very angry and heartfelt.  As upset as she was with the bricks being thrown at her by these "sweet" girls, I didn't tell her to take it off.  I hope I did the link properly above, I think if you click on it, it will take you to her video.  If not, go to my homepage and you can find it there.  Next song she posts, she will change some words and sing her name into the end so these "clearly expert" girls can say all they want.  I'm sure they feel like idiots, as they should, the grenades where being thrown back at them as soon as they landed on Stevi............You are all amazing friends for her.  Thank you.

My 15 hour vacation from the world.....

As I fall into the slumber of comfortable sleep

the sun starts to kiss my face like a forgotten lover

I groan and snuggle towards the warmth like a baby to a mother.

My body gives in to the comfort of the night

I surrender completely forgetting the day

and what tomorrow may bring.

A soft breeze caresses my face as I fight to stay awake

worried I may miss something

and am lulled into a zone of complete nothingness.

I forget the day, the week, the month

I must be smiling as my eyes are closed

happiness surrounds me.

Like a mothers love

whispers of encouragement surround me

saying tomorrow is a new day.

 I smile and open my eyes

as I look around my room, I am home

For 15 hours I was in paradise.