Boy do I need a vacation.  At least that is what my body is telling me.  I have been doing hair for 23 years.  How long can a person stand with their arms up and out in front of them for 8-12 hours a day before it starts to catch up to them.   Right now my neck is out.  That is not a new thing for me.  My Chiropractor said I had some sort of whip lash awhile ago and my neck is convex instead of concave.  The X-Ray's are weird, it is true.  I am off by about 2".  When I follow his advice and go in regularly I am actually 5'4"........hmmm who knew!

 This weekend we went on a weekend overnight bike ride.  My muscle cramps started on Saturday at Walmart, shopping.  My left calf kept going into excruciating knots that I would have to kneed through to keep walking.  My back has been sore, Hell it's always sore, I guess I am just used to it.  I stand and lean and bend over sinks for a living, so I deal.  My neck and shoulders always hurt, again. normal.  But we went on a quick "Get the Hell out of Dodge" ride and I don't know if it was sleeping on the cardboard bed at "America's Best Value" in Bishop, or sitting on the back of the bike with wind whipping my helmet back and forth for a total of 10-12 hours but I was exhausted when we got home Monday.  Slept for around 2 hours Sunday night (comfy mattress and forgot earplugs) and Monday night I slept like a rock for 4 hours because I had to get up early to go to work and start at 6 am.

When I woke up Tuesday morning, I almost called my people and canceled.  But no, I thought, I will work my 8 hours and get into the Chiropractor.  As I got out of bed and "walked" down the hall, I looked like I was in a "Thriller" video.  Between my neck out, my lower back and Asiatic nerve being pinched and my calf cramping......well lets just say... at 4 am, going to bed with my hair wet from my shower the night before.....bags under my eyes from not enough sleep.....it was not pretty.....AT ALL.


I went to the chiropractor, I was off by 3", I need to go back tomorrow.  I was so sore after my adjustment on Tues, I almost threw up.  As of now, I go back tomorrow, thank God.  I'm still "off".  I was supposed to start our hiking season with my Mom today, but no way in Hell could I carry a backpack and with my calves cramping for no reason here and there... no bueno.  We have another one scheduled for Sunday, maybe after my adjustment I'll be back to par.  The problem is I KNOW I need to exercise.  I have done a lot of walking and some running, but since my broken ankle, I have only gotten to CrossFit 4 times....Since Dec. 6 th.  I think I need to implement Yoga back into my schedule for Fridays for sure.  I know I need to work out to stay at the top of my game, and to be able to hold my arms up in 5th position, Russian style of course.


Last week I had a young client say.."Wow! You have really big muscles!"  Oh sweetie.  I thought, I haven't been working out, but then I realized that I have a lot of upper body strength and it is probably from working all day like that, Arms up, shoulder height or higher , constant movement.


A couple years ago when Jay got back to work, I cut back to 8 hour days.  I am at my clients mercy hour wise.  Yesterday I worked 4:20 to 11:40pm.  I had to stop at the bank on the way home and got in the door after midnight.  Some days I start at 4 am.  My ideal day would be 8-4.  Since I work such sporadic hours and my body is giving me an eviction notice, I decided yesterday to cut back to 6 hours a day.  I don't mind working 5 or even six days a week, but the longer hours are killing me.  I don't know the longevity of a hairdresser but you don't see a lot of older hairdressers unless it's working at Madges Pink Puff doing perms and roller sets.  Thankfully over the years my clientele has aged with me so they understand my aches and pains.  The younger ones don't.  I wish I had some fantastic story as to why my body hurts and my neck keeps going out.  I think its because I got out of bed and went to work, then repeated it for so long!  We haven't gone on a vacation, more than a quick or extended weekend, since I opened Salon Moxie in 2005.  I used to make sure, no matter what our family took a vacation every year, then we got to busy and started cramming in GO GO GO weekends.  Then money started to dwindle away.  After I pay for Jayson and Guoda's rehearsal dinner this month... I will save what I can and get away for a week.  Hopefully in August before Stevi goes back to school.  I found some cabin rentals in Bucks Lake that are affordable and that is one of my favorite places on earth...(many stories of younger years)  So I will... I need to... Or I will end up being a greeter at Walmart before I turn 50......... LIGHTS.......!

Entitlement.......

8th grade photo

 She's always been the star of the show.  My over achiever.  My All-star.  My honor student.  My straight A student.  Since she was in kindergarten, she insisted on setting her own alarm and getting herself ready.

Her beautiful guitar

I have never had to worry about her grades, she stressed about them enough.  She has always wanted to go to medical school and do sports medicine.  She tries out for the school sports and makes it.  Never a doubt in my mind she wouldn't.  She's beautiful, intelligent, self assured and athletic.  Musically talented whether it is singing or playing an instrument.

First recital of many

Freshman cheer team

She is an amazing dancer and I know she is a loyal and dedicated friend.

It has started, she has gone to the dark side..........she is 15.

I can kick my own ass........

I can kick my own ass.  Anyone who truly knows me has seen me do it.  In the salon, I am always hitting myself, dropping things etc.  At home I am a bull in a China Store.  I am pretty sure this morning getting ready by doing my hair I gave myself a black eye. I was going to flat iron my bangs and poked myself in my right eye with my thumb nail, I am sure it will bruise.  I do bruise pretty easily, I don't know if I'm lacking iron, potassium or whatever, or if it is my age and the fact that the older you get you have thinner skin.  Right now I look like a battered woman.  Two pretty good bruises on my right arm, compliments of myself on my very selfish day where I decided to drink a bottle of wine while Jay was at work and unload boxes.  Stood on a cardboard box that contains our artificial tree to pull a box down and put a TV, a very large heavy TV up to rearrange things.  Funny the box was holding me just fine until the TV was in my arms.  I went down, saved the TV, knocked over more boxes and got a cardboard cut on my tricep which now also has a bruise around it, and a good one above my wrist.  I have always been accident prone.  I trip on imaginary cracks in the side walk and bump into signs as if they aren't even there.  I always seem to move through things instead of around them.  I think I have numerous unexplained bruises on my legs...I don't even know where they came from myself.  This week I had a lot of clients asking me what happened to my arm and a few stare at it and say nothing.  I assure you, everything is normal and okay in my world.  At this point in our lives Jay would cry before he would ever deliberately hurt me.  He isn't a physical person anymore.  I am, just mainly physical with myself.  So if you see me looking like I've been in a car accident, don't be afraid to ask me what happened. I always will tell the truth whether it is good or bad, I did leave out a minor detail this week.  That would be the wine.  I am a bit embarrassed that I drank a whole bottle on my selfish pity party day, especially since that is the one thing that I get angry with Jay over.  I did drink, I am allergic, I had some hives and I kicked my own ass.........then passed out.

Runnamucca.......

 Runnamucca is always Memorial Weekend.  3 Weeks ago I told Jay there was no way in Hell I would go because it was just going to be a "Drunk Fest"  I no longer have my Deluxe so I can't just ride home on my own.  I now know, if I feel unsafe or unhappy I can leave the situation. I have friends that have moved to Winnemucca and they are just a phone call away.  Knowing that it's okay to set boundaries on my own happiness and security is being able to breathe.  I don't feel like a weight is on top of my head holding me to all these burdens.  Jay asked me last night if he was doing okay in the 'Mommy Porn' category......helping around the house, bringing me flowers, being sober........Yes he is.  I will probably always have my guard up, but I agreed that after Ride for the Tata's I would really like to go to Runnamucca.  We have always had fun, aside from the time Stevi, Jay and I got stuck in the elevator at the Holiday in with a bunch of drunk Vago's , no Bueno.  And we had our wild and fun nights in the past.....I don't know what this weekend will bring, I have no control over it, but he knows where I stand and I know I always have an exit.  That is up to me.  It will be rainy and windy, it always is Memorial Weekend.  This is a part of me I have always enjoyed and I let it be an unhappy place when I had to give up my bike.  I am not meant to ride on the back, I am too much of a control freak and when I felt uncomfortable, I fixed it by getting my own.  That can't happen in this economy, so for now, I need to trust that he will put my safety first.  If he doesn't I will cross that bridge when I approach it.  I am living for today and I have had to remind myself to stop thinking so much a few times, and when I do, it makes life much more enjoyable.  The man Jay is today and yesterday and for the last week is the man I am in love with, unclouded and loving.  Enjoyable to be around and "This Guy" is the one that holds my heart in his hands.  I hope he's here to stay..........

Hell on High Heel may be Hell on Wheels........

 I've had my week of "me, me, me, me" and I will continue to put myself first.  I had 3 days of self pity and anguish, my 3 days of 'I really don't care what happens', and my 3 days of 'I'm going to do whatever the Hell I want and not care who's watching or what happens.'


Now it's Mommy mode.  My little girl, the youngest, the baby, my lil' Angel and my "Get out of my way or I'll run you over" Stevi is 15 1/2 today.  Every mother knows what that means........

Yup, a trip to the DMV.  She gets out of school today at 1:45 and if all goes well, will be driving us around by around 3ish. I have to work tonight from 5-11 and I'm sure she will be with me since my little Blondie needs her roots done because they look grey coming in against a level 4 dark brown.  Being the chameleon she is, I'm shocked she wants to keep it dark, although she says she wants some purple and eggplant highlights put in.  Ever changing........

 She has always been silly, competitive, and adorable but now I think today she is nervous and a little bit scared.  This means a whole new world.  She is actually growing up and will be driving BY HERSELF  in 6 months.  Ugh and YAY!!

 I know it's a whole new set of worries and I am terrified and so excited for her.  My mom is always taking in deep breaths, yelling out and trying to pump the brakes while I drive and I have been driving for 27 years.....without an accident....

 I'm sure this is another area I will turn into my mother........Jayson wrecked numerous cars, I think 5 whether it was an accident or how he drove? I hope she drives like me instead of like her father or brother. 

 Funny thing I thought of.......they should have a Student Driver magnetic sign you can put on your roof like the Dominoes Pizza guys with hazard lights going so people know to steer clear and why the car is going too slow and is all over the road.

So, after 3, if you see a red Honda driving really slow, please, stay back, stay calm and go around.  You may see us in that car.........but knowing her, we may be passing you in the fast lane with the sun roof open and music on..................Wish me luck!  I mean, Wish Stevi luck!

Things that made me smile this week

•  Being relaxed on the bike ride we took Sunday without worrying.
• Those moments when I realize I am turning into my mother (she's pretty cool)

•  Letting loose and looking like a hair ball the Pink Panther hacked up.
• Putting all of our weekly hikes into the calendar because I miss them.
• Seeing Stevi's friend Kody from 7th grade over at our house because he goes to Reno High also.

•  Letting go of the past because I've already been there and just enjoying today without thinking.
• Feeding the ducks and geese with my Mom at Idlewild Park
• My husband telling me to plan some weekend hikes so he can go too.
• The flowers Jay brought in from the yard for me.

•  Seeing Sage graduate kindergarten and Dallas telling me that she wants Jessica Sanchez to win American Idol because "She dresses fancy like me and Auntie Beautiful."

•  Jay waking me up to walk to Walden's for a coffee on Saturday morning.
• Feeling pretty without my make-up on because I had a smile on my face.

•  Spending time with friends without worrying about the next 5 minutes/hour/week.

• My therapist telling me I did a great job during the week taking care of me, as hard as it was.
• All the walks we took this week, I have no idea how many miles we put in, but they felt great.
• Having today all to myself.

SHE CHEATED!!!

 Yesterday was a great day.  Beautiful outside, for a good cause and I felt safe on the back of the bike for the first time in a long time.  I didn't have to over think, analyze or worry about what may or may not happen.  I just let it go.

 I decided to enter the Pink out contest which was a cash prize of $125.  I was in it to win it.  I even had on pink eyelashes.  I lost to the cuteness factor of an 8 year old.   I guess that was meant to be, because I would have kept the cash prize and the little shit gave the money back to JP to put towards the charity. (Good lesson from an 8 year old, I still would have kept the money......just sayin')  

Jay's speakers are blown out on the front of his bike so I did a silent auction and bid on 2 Alpine speakers worth $149 and got them for $70 (which is tax deductible because it goes to Breast Cancer) and they are too big for his dash so he would have to put them in his bags which he doesn't want to do, so looks like I just got new speakers for the Honda. (That will make Stevi happy since that is probably what she will be driving in 6 months if she gets her grades up!)

The lil' cutie I lost too......I think she cheated I was pink from head to toe...HELLO!

SHIT! AS I'M WRITING A WASP JUST FLEW IN THE HOUSE! BREATHE AND IGNORE!


All in all it was the most relaxing day I have had in awhile.  I looked ridiculous and didn't care...had people taking pictures of me and with me and am supposedly on Candy Barrels FB page today...I need to "like" them to check it out.


Originally I canceled Runamucca because I was afraid of what the weekend had in store, but I now know I am in control of how I feel.  If I feel unsafe or scared, I can leave the situation, and I will.  Even in Winnemucca.  I CAN ride Jay's bike home if I have to , on my own, or rent a car or find a safe ride back somehow.  It's been a very emotional week for me and my family.  As for now, we are all aware that we are the only ones who can control our own lives.  I know what I want and what I don't want.  Jay says that after he now clearly can see the pain he has put me through and I am putting my foot down for myself, not him, not anyone but myself...he only wants to make me smile, not cry again.  I've been here a few times in the last 29 years, all I know is I am in control of only me and I need to take my life day by day.  Today so far, is a good day..............


ps. I STILL THINK SHE CHEATED!!!