Sunday, August 31, 2008

What's in a dream.........

Do you every wake up and look at the ceiling and wonder what the heck was that dream about?  Last night I taught Guoda (Jayson's girlfriend) how to make lasagna, my way and yes it is incredible, and as we were chopping and stirring and spicing and slicing and layering, Jay was outside with Jayson on the deck, him with a cigar and Jayson with a nasty cigarette, and I heard him say, "This is how it should be........"  HA HA HA, Yeah you have to sleep sometime Buddy.  Not quite I do LOVE to cook, but I am a busy woman as you all know, so I always cook on my days off or when I have time because I hate frozen cooking and like to try new dishes.

I probably had the dream A. Because I cut all my carbs today, and B. Because we ate pretty late so I had a full tummy.  Are you ready for my dream..............
     I was one of the guys, sitting on the deck watching Guoda  cook for all of us.....only I had a beautiful Ivory pipe that was shaped like a rose in bloom, filled with the most delicious pipe tobacco, Raspberry flavored and moist and tasty.  Watching her slave away in my kitchen and enjoying every minute of it, as a man would, not even a twitch to get up and help as she was struggling with the pots of boiling water and running around trying to make sure her timing was on.......

  I have never smoked a pipe in my life, always thought they smelled wonderful and the pipes are absolutely beautiful.......but many times in my life, I have thought I was meant to be a man, I have always been a bit on the tomboyish side, but can get pretty and command a room when I need to, know how to use my feminine wiles to my advantage but can lead a group of men on Harley's and have them tell me I am going a bit too fast for them.  I could ride a bike in heels and a skirt if I needed to or come to the rescue in a bar fight.......In high school I got the nickname "Lipstick and Leather"  but, you all know me as Bubba.......hmmm, What is in a dream?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Tales from the Chair Chapter 13

Do you feel safe in your garage?  Do you warm up your car before you go to work?  Do you bring your things for the day and put them in the car while you are warming it up?  Perhaps you start your car, then go inside to make your lunch for the day, or grab a cup of coffee.  Do you park in the driveway and then use a garage door opener to get into your house? 

I do all of the above........

My client Laura does also.  She brought her purse and cell phone out to the garage, started her car to go to work in the morning, then ran inside to brush her teeth while her car was warming up for a few minutes after she had just finished her cup of coffee.  Then, Laura went outside and got in her car to go to work, her purse phone and garage door opener were all gone.  Run upstairs, ask her husband if he is playing a mean trick on her, and he is still in the shower. By the time she realized what had happened, she panicked because every credit card, ID card even her social security card, cash and her iphone with every contact and business meeting or transaction was in her phone.  All her pass codes and pin #'s as well.  Laura had her husband go and open their business while she went to the police station to file a report and then she had to go home to look up her bills and account #'s so she could cancel all her credit cards.............too late, $3600 on one, $506 on another, bank card used because it is credit or debit for $1000 and she got gas from a card in over $100, so there was probably two cars.  The bank called her to confirm another transaction while she was home and said they had previously reached her on her cell phone regarding the other transactions that morning only, her phone went to voicemail this time.  And it gets better...........4 days later their house was burglarized, they gained access by using her garage door opener, and 3 other homes in her neighborhood, which happens to be Caughlin Ranch area, were hit the same day, the same way, only two of her neighbors realized that their garage door openers were missing out of their cars, both of which park in the driveway and have keyless entry, how they got in, apparently there are some sort of transmitter that will send random signals and most of the time it will find one that will trigger the code such as a key fob will.  They girl they arrested, who had Laura's Coach bag with her wallet and all her finally cancelled credit cards is a career criminal named Charlotte Hodges who is 30 years old.  She apparently is a drug addict and goes to the nicer neighborhoods and looks for these easy in and out through the garage, most times in just minutes while you are innocently warming up your car, if she wanted access to your house would just take your garage door opener and wait until you leave, then take all your jewelry, cash and whatever else she can get her  hands on............How safe are you?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Memoirs of a crazy childhood....Chapter 9

I remember when I was around 5 or 6 living in Reno Park, my mom signed me up for girlscouts.   I thought it was for Bluebirds which I am sure is a division, but it may have been Brownies, but for some reason Bluebirds is standing out in my memory.  I do remember going to someones house and doing crafty things and thinking.....why am I doing this?  I want to go outside and play with my Tonka Truck....which I am sure I stole from my brother Stevie.  I only remember going over to THAT house maybe twice, then I THINK I got kicked out.........Mom, why was I kicked out of Bluebirds?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Thank You?

I have had "Get Thank-you cards" on my list of things to do since my birthday.  Why is this so hard for me.  I know you have up to a year to send out a Thank-you card to somebody, but I wonder how many years behind I am on this.  I always have good intentions,  Chrissi sent hers out for Jack's birthday party immediately, as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure it beat us home from Bend.

I do intend to purchase some, I think it is the fact that everything I seem to do anymore is on the computer, but an e-thank-you card seems a little impersonal, don't you think?  To all of you out there who have showered me with gifts and kindness, over the years, I will get to it eventually, by the time some of you receive your "Thank You" cards, you will probably say to yourselves....."Lisa Lynch, Lisa Lynch, HONEY, DO WE KNOW A LISA LYNCH? "

So anyways..........Thank you?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Pyramid Lake on Sunday!!!!!!

Ever since my sister had Sage's 2nd birthday party out at the Pyramid I have been craving going back!  So on Sunday I am taking Stevi and a couple of her friends out for the day,  I would like to leave early, around 8am and hang out until around 3, I know this is a Holiday weekend, but over where my sister showed us there will more than likely be few people as it is a day camping area only.  My Mom is going with us and I am hoping my sister and her friends Thea and her family.  This is an open invitation so if you read me, and you would like to hang for the day and do some rock jumping...(my mom is a pro, I like to do belly flops, she does cannon balls)  Please come join us!! Make sure you stop and get a day pass though, apparently it is a $60 fine and you get to go to the wonderful courthouse in Nixon.  Hope to see you there.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I"m learning......

Aren't little sisters supposed to learn from their big sisters?  I am pretty sure I taught my beautiful baby sister about hair, make-up and probably some fashion tips along the way.  I am sure we talked about boys, and I know I came to her rescue when she was in high school a few times...(my nickname is "Bubba" after all)  I know I taught her how to get into nightclubs before she was 21, and how to ignore the guy she liked so he would be more intrigued,  but I never taught her how to take care of herself as a woman, I guess because I never knew how.  During our most recent junk oops I mean garage sale, we were talking about her adventures at Sundance and what some of her experiences may have meant, and of course I made it all about me and realized she was telling me how to take care of myself during my "moon" (mensus) because I didn't know I was supposed to.  I thought I was just supposed to take it like "Bubba"  and keep on truckin' like I always have.  But you know what?  What that little sister of mine was telling me made a lot of sense......that is the one time (or in my case multiple lately) of the month that a woman should listen to her body and take it easy.  So listening to my baby sisters wisdom, I thought, OK, what the hey, I will give it a try.  It is kind of nice......... I got breakfast in bed yesterday and did lay around and read my book in between laundry loads, I went to work today but skipped my yoga class and in between clients I sat and read my book instead of multi-tasking and I have to say, if anything it helped my mood and I am not physically exhaused like I usually am, dragging myself into the house, Jay even noticed.  Stevi said I looked better today.  As women, we never relax until we are ill, and sometimes not even then, try it, you might like it.  Thanks Sis!  I owe you one!  Love you!

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Forty is Fun?

Hmmm. I have been 40 for a whole 7 weeks, I have gained weight, started menopause, found new wrinkles and lost energy.  I went in for my wonderfully fun annual Dr. appointment (which all you women know we look SO forward to every year), found new lumps bumps and fun things in my breasts, yay, 5th mammogram in the last year just scheduled, and they are not sure what to do for me hormonally since there is so much breast cancer in my family, so I now have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Pollock to discuss my options which I believe are either ablation or a hysterectomy.  I started my cycle for the 5th time yesterday since July 1st and I don't think I can afford to keep stocking up on essentials at Costco anymore.......hmmm, food or tampons and pads? Sorry for any men out there reading but life is life.  Before I got pregnant with Stevi I had had so many D&C's and freezing and conal biopsies, my Dr. said, if you don't want anymore children, you need a hysterectomy, make a decision, if you want another child I am giving you 6 months to get pregnant or you need surgery........2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Stevi.  The Dr. said that after giving birth, it would clean my system out for a few years until we need to worry about these issues again.  Stevi will be 12 on November 23rd, so he was right, it has only been the last 2 years or so that I have been getting irregular paps and they have been watching me.  I am really sick of being anemic and low on energy every time Mother Nature calls.  I AM DONE.  So I guess I will find out Wednesday, if there are any pre-cancerous cells again, I am just going to have them yank it all out, and since I can't have hormones, I guess I can grow a goatee.  Ahhh, the joys of womanhood.  Another new thing is when I got my "check-up"  umm, they now included the rear end......."YOU COULD HAVE WARNED ME!!"

Saturday, August 23, 2008

UPDATE ON FENCE INCIDENT........ I was asleep last night when Guoda called me, and Jayson called me, apparently it was a wrought iron fence.......and that makes more sense, enjoy the photo!


Is it every good when your cell phone's your son.......its after midnight?.........Answer........NO!

He's either in jail, or the hospital, or stranded.  This time the hospital, emergency room, again, not the first time, believe me.

Apparently, it is a much quicker route to the car after hanging out with your friends to just hop their fence, instead of walking threw the gate and walking down the sidewalk.

Climb fence, slip, board through bicep and into forearm.  Will make another cool scar to add to his collection.  Thankfully is ran parallel into his arm so it only required 9 stitches.  

Both of my kids have had a run in with wooden fences, at least Stevi only broke her nose and got a fat lip, and looked like Shrek for a couple of weeks after we got all the splinters out of her face.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Working myself to death......

Ok, so I have been missing in action, and I need to clear a few things up, despite the vicious rumours......I DID NOT DROWN IN THE KIDDIE POOL IN BEND, OR.  That is an out and out lie!  Ok, so it could have happened by my fearless grandson Jack was brave enough to jump in and save me......after he was done flirting with the beautiful Hispanic girl who kept flirting with him and pointing at him and calling him "Baby"  What a hussy, cute but please, how many other boys did she point to and call baby?

We have been so busy, Friday went something like this...4am alarm, drag my a$$ out of bed, get a cup of coffee, shower get to work by 5:45.  Pay bills on line run to the bank to make a deposit, go to Honda, test drive the Element again, drive over to Ford to bail out Jay's truck from getting an oil change, go back to work, work for 4 more hours. Run to the bank again and deposit rest of dollars earned while lap dancing (JK Mom) back to Honda to sign papers, call Jay get him over there to sign.  Jam home, it is now 3pm drop off the Harley, back to Honda to pick up the BMW, drop off at home, back to Ford to pick up truck,  back home to pack.......umm I think I haven't eaten all day......pack, (forget underwear, toothbrush and a couple of Jack's birthday presents, perfect)  Hit the road at around 5pm. STARVING.....stop to eat dinner @ Bordertown, quick cheap and yes actually good.  Hit the road at 6:30pm, on our way to Bend.  Stop in Alturas for gas and coffee at around 9pm and to clean the abundance of bugs off of the windshield of my previously clean Element, which happens to be black, so yeah, everything shows.  Ask a Police officer how far Klammoth Falls is, hmm 1 1/2 hours, piece of cake after coffee..hit the road, stop in Klammoth Falls to clean bugs off windshield AGAIN.  So far the count is 5 coyotes, 6 deer and 1 HUGE  buck.....15,987 bugs.  Enter La Pine at around midnight, everyone is asleep except for Cracky the Grandma.  (Thank you coffee)  but I am pooped, no rooms available, except the poor girl at the lodge was having man problems so I had to give her a hug and counsel her for a few minutes, (all in a days work)  K, I guess we could make it to Bend, arrive in Bend at 1:45 am, and stop at 3 hotels, all full (wow Bend is a happening place)  FINALLY  The Shady Lady has a room and only $59 per night, what a bargain.  P.U.  clean but smells like Camel non-filters , oh well at this point I would sleep under a table in a strip club.

Saturday...up at 7 run the the front office.....COFFEE...thank God, then off the Safeway for our hotel survival kit, Febreeze, Lysol, antibacterial wipes and a candle, oh and a toothbrush (went commando the whole weekend, what can I say, I am a classy Grandma!)  Carls Junior for the quickest breakfast (and the most caloricly dense) breakfast in the west.  Off to Jacks party!  Fun Fun Fun, and Chrissi, being  ever to excellent host had a fabulous spread of fresh fruit, sandwiches, cheetos(of course) , cake, brownies, soda, water, cookies. And apparently Jack is quite popular because it looked like Christmas!! Disassemble around 2 so Jack can take a nap, go to smokeshop room at the Shady Lady, change into swimming suits, wait for call, back to Chrissi's at 4:30 after hitting Fred Meyers for Lil' Swimmers and an attempt at water wings.  Pick up Handsome Jack, and head to the pool till 6:30 when they close.  Time to go back to room, change for dinner, go to El Rodeo for probably the BEST Mexican food and service we have ever had,  Return a sleeping baby to momma and daddy at 8:30.  Head back to room, take showers, and       we       are       out.

Sunday, wake up at 5 am, get ready, leave the room at 5:30 in search of STRONG coffee while Jay and Stevi wake up and pack, yup I was ready and packed by 5:30  come back, leave by 5:45 with coffee in hand.  Drive..........and drive some more..........stop in Alturas, umm, too early I guess at 7:30 on a Sunday, we are starving and no restaurants are open.  Wait a few more hours to Likely Ca. and stop at the Most Likely never again, flies, dirt and .......yuk just gross, and hey after staying at the Shady Lady, I felt pretty white trash, but no thanks,  I choked it down, but it was not good,      at       all!    Drive.....Drive.......Drive, I need caffeine so lets stop in Hallelujah Junction.  It is around 1:30 on Sunday......Jay is putting gas in the car, and cleaning the bugs off the windshield again, and Stevi and I go inside for soda and lotto tickets,  then we see her,  Julia Louis-Dreyfus with her husband of 21 years Brad Hall (Saturday Night Live)  she did not want anybody to talk to her at all, which was obvious as I stood behind her in line, she did and about face and put her back to me twice when I smiled at her.  Ok, in her defense, I probably looked absolutely crazed after being on the road for essentially 2 days, no make-up, hair curly from going to bed with it wet and up in a clip, and I am sure I smelled like Camel non-filters and grease (from the Most Likely Cafe)  all the while smiling at her like a jackass because I know who she is........leave, make it home by 2, sleep till 6.  Get up go to moms, give her money head home cook dinner, clean fish tank, do laundry and.................pass out.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

I finally found one!!!

I started looking in May, found cars I liked or that were ok and would do.  My lease on my X5 in up on October 31st and I am done leasing.......I want to own a car with no car payment for awhile.  I have been researching and reading and comparing and driving.  I thought I needed to get a sedan for better gas mileage, but there are so many options that I like with an SUV, gas mileage is not one of them, so I thought.  Today after 3 days of hours of research on the computer I decided that a car that is a couple of years old with low miles is probably the most sensible option.  So I went to BMW after work to check out their used lot and afterwards headed over to Honda, Honda is top rated in every category since 2001 and is considered the most low risk vehicle to purchase new or used.  I went to the lot at Honda and was casually looking around sure that the fact that my last 2 cars have been  brand new BMW's I had become a car snob and my nose would be up in the air to any car I looked at........then I saw it.  I have never been attracted to it before, never thought they looked "cool" just a little weird.  It was an 06' with 21000 miles on it in the right price range, then I peaked inside.......WOW look at all that room!  Holy Cow, he opened it up after telling me I would get 7-10 more miles to the gallon than my X5.........and I drove it.....(Que the Choir)  Ummm   I liked it, A LOT, it felt like me I was comfortable the moment I drove it and Jay fit in it!! Bonus, not to mention, you can hook a tent to the back and it is an off road motel.

    So I said I want it, came home and cleaned out my car........but then I went back on line to make sure it was in the right price range blue book wise so I had something to negotiate with, and thought, "Just for kicks I am going to price a brand new one..........WHAT!!! only $800 more, I knew that Honda's held their value well but wow, they are practically the same price!!  I will pay an extra $800 to get my own miles on it so I called Dario back and said "Don't detail it, I want a new one for the same price!"  His response was "You got it...."  Then I said "Oh, and by the way, tell Scott to throw in the tent!"  "I'll see what I can do......"  So I get off work at 1 tomorrow and I have a feeling that I may be driving my new 2008 Honda Element to Bend to see Jack turn 1 year old.........Bye Bye Beemer, it's been a wonderful romance, but I don't need you anymore, now that I am 40, I realize that I can drive a Honda and be excited about it.  Funny thing is, I thought I would be sad, but I drove BMW's for 6 years and loved every minute of it......but I am over it.

Howdy Honda......lets go camping!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

From Start to Finish

11:30 am, start your engines.  I am determined to finish this poodle skirt in one day so lets see how I do.

The hardest part was cutting and fusing the applique'  I fused them with the fusible steam backing, but I went over each note and the guitar and hand stitched them so they were secure.

Sewing together the skirt was a piece of cake and also the petty coat,  the hardest part with that was sewing through the elastic bands, I don't think my Pfaff is very strong for things like that.  

Dyna helped me out with the waist band as you can see, thank God, I really needed her.  

After I finished, I woke Stevi up and it was a hit,  I can't wait to see it in the sunlight, all the sequines should be fabulous.

9:04pm Finish

Ps.........I'm pooped, Goodnight!

Auntie Beautiful in the Hizzle!!!!!!!

One of the things I love most in life is being "Auntie Beautiful"  TDH, (My sisters husband) has a sister named Deborah who goes by "Auntie Zsa Zsa"  and being as competitive as I am by nature (thanks mom) I couldn't just stand by idly and allow her to have the coolest Auntie Name, so because of all my baubles and trinkets and accessories, I decided that I should definitely be "Auntie Beautiful"  So I am.  I have got to have the most beautiful nieces and nephews ever! Yesterday was my niece Sage's 2nd birthday and we spent a wonderful relaxing afternoon out at Pyramid Lake, I have never been on the side by the Pyramid and it is beautiful over there.  Now I am spoiled and I will definitely drive the extra 40 miles just to have the beauty and seclusion of "the other side".  Ray and Liz planned it and it is definitely worth the drive.

     After we arrived home, we got a call from my sister-in-law Tyra and she wanted to go do the HOT AUGUST NIGHTS thing so asked if my gorgeous niece Mashae could come and spend the night......hmmmm let me think.....OF COURSE!!!  Sooo we got to have fun with her last night, dancing and we all put bandanna's on our heads (of course mine had crystals) and we were gangstas.  As I was looking at her I realized that we have such wonderful diversity in our family, Mashae is half black, Willow and Sage are half Native, and Kenneth and Kelly are half Guatemalan.    Now I understand why when we were stopped by the Tribal Police while we were looking for the beach yesterday, my sister said "You looked a little too white"  Yeah, here we are, white and freckled (except Jay who is half Portuegese and brown to me), blond daughter with two Mini Dachshunds in a BMW X5, Me wearing a pink Harley Davidson ball cap....the picture of whiteness.......

Friday, August 8, 2008

Randomness X 6

I don't know if I've been tagged by Liz or not because she didn't list the people she tagged at the end of this list so I am doing it anyways and I will follow the rules.


  1. 1. Link to the person who tagged you. (it's in my title)
  2. Post the rules on your blog. (AND FOLLOW THEM)
  3. Write 6 random things about yourself.
  4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them. (this is what Madreadoptiva skipped ;-).
  5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Ok here goes........

  1. I have been in at least 5 fist fights........with guys.
  2. I am allergic to alcohol.
  3. If I see someone I care about cry, I will cry without even knowing why they are crying.
  4. I had a boyfriend carve his initials in my hand in 8th grade, and it is still there.
  5. I have had something dropped in my drink 3 times since I have been of drinking age. (prior to my allergy)
  6. I used to wear real handcuffs as a belt when I was a sophomore in high school.(yeah I know, I was cool.)

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Memoirs of a crazy childhood....Chapter 8

Ahhh Bobby Shields.  So many first's,  one boy.  I must have been 5 or so, kindergarten age, enter Bobby Shields.  One year older, one year wiser.  Bobby explained to me that I was a baby because there is no such thing as Santa Claus.  He also taught me the "F" word.  I remember going home and we had frozen pipes under our trailer, so my mom had two men under the trailer working, my mom who says cursing is "a crutch for the vocabulary cripple"  and asked her very promptly what those f^*$#@#$ were doing under the trailer?  She must not of heard me so I had to of course raise my voice."HEY MOMMY, WHAT ARE THOSE F@#(^$% DOING UNDER THE HOUSE?"  hmmm wow, she must be going deaf, she is old of course, probably around 30 or 31 so I had to raise my voice AGAIN.  "HEY MOMMY WHAT.."  Then she explained to me that that was a BAD word and she HAD in fact heard me.  oh......  Then being babysat at Bobby's house I had my first taste of homemade ice cream, mmmmmm and my first kiss.  Bobby and I were playing in Sarge's dog house, I think Sarge was a German shepherd if I remember correctly and Bobby told me if I didn't kiss him I had to eat Sarge's dog food.  Well I didn't believe him, I ate dog food......he wasn't kidding, and the next time he warned me about that punishment for not kissing him, I kissed him.  I do have to say, it was much better than crunching on Alpo.  Good Ol' Bobby Shields.  Thanks for teaching me all those very valuable lessons of my youth.  Without you, I would probably still believe in Santa.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Summerfest 2008

Stevi is ready for Summerfest.  It is at Circus Circus again and this time it is a 3 day event, so while we will be watching people sort through our trash, she will be dancing , eating and having fun.  I just found the schedule for the next 3 days, I know she will have a blast, so here is the schedule for her for Summerfest 2008...

8:00 am CHECK-IN    8:30-9:00 WARM UP  9:00-1:00 DANCE CLASSES 1:00-2:00 LUNCH 2:00-5:00 DANCE CLASSES  5:00-6:00 DINNER 6:00-8:30pm BOWLING WITH DANCE FACULTY (PARENT PICK UP)


8:00-12:30 WATER PARK (PARENT DROP OFF)  12:30-1:00 SHUTTLE TO CIRCUS CIRCUS  1:00-2:00 LUNCH 2:00-5:30 DANCE CLASSES   5:30-6:30 DINNER  6:30-8:30 DANCE CLASSES.



Whew, I don't know about you, but I need a nap and a quad Starbucks just looking at that schedule.  I never got to do things like that when I was her age.......I am just so happy we are able to do that for her.  HAVE FUN STEVI!

Saturday, August 2, 2008


As I am getting ready for tomorrows Garage Sale, I decide I should go through Jay's mess because, he never will.  HOW MANY JEANS AND T-SHIRTS DOES 1 MAN NEED!!!!  I am not kidding you, I have a stack of jeans for sale and work t-shirts (in good condition) that is taller than me!!!  There has to be over 30 pairs of jeans and oh I don't know 50 or so t-shirts.  His closet is still full of golf shirts and dockers, nice jeans, the top has around 35-40 pairs of work jeans and I am guessing 20-25 work shirts.  I got rid of 4 pairs of very nice shoes he says "look gay" and not one Harley shirt in the pile, I did throw one away because it had a hole in it.  His Armoire is FULL  of Harley and Tattoo shirts, at least 50 of them and shorts and nicer sweat/warm-up and sweat shirts........He just had me buy him jeans for work.......HE        DIDN'T        NEED         ANY!..........Anybody want to buys some work jeans and t's?