Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I feel it, Oh God do I...

Packing a house in 5 days, transferring all accounts, filling out lease agreements, transferring schools, running and paying for deposits etc, then getting a letter from the bank that your previous "temporary credit" will be withdrawn until they receive further information that you had cancelled your credit card machine account because they are saying they didn't receive your phone calls, emails or letter and apparently they have more rights to your money than you do, so now I need to go close my account so they can't take any more money out.......all while hacking, feeling like I'm going to throw up all day, physically exhausted, headache, sore throat, sinus and ear pressure and I think I just broke a fever because I am in a full sweat and clammy after taking 4 Advil...................I feel like Shit.........the end.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

3-5 days to pack up and GIT!

Our landlord has been incredible.  The new place will be ready for us by Wednesday, which has had a rush put on it, by our new landlord, and our current landlord is doing everything in his power to help us move as quickly as possible.
 He came in and looked around and we talked about the washer hose breaking and how it was handled, or not handled correctly and how sick Stevi has been, including the fact that Jay and I have had a weird respiratory issue going on, he not only gave us what we needed deposit wise to get into our new home, he is hiring help for us to move, including 4-5 workers and a U-Haul to get it all done in one day.
 Today the Mold inspector came and got samples of the air quality, took a hamper that I had kept the rags in that unbeknown to me was covered in black mold spore and fuzz and disposed of it and also took samples of the mattresses and couch.  He is coming on Tuesday and pick up all of our throw rugs and area rugs and is taking them to a professional cleaner to get them treated and cleaned.
 I have a list of what I need to do in 5 days, I already contacted both schools so I can get Stevi's transcripts sent to Reno High School, my Mom is coming over to help me pack, they brought us boxes and wardrobe boxes today also to get started right away.
  The amount of time we have to move isn't much but almost perfect.  We are able to move her out of this toxic environment, whether the biggest culprit has been mold or stress,it's being handled and  this week is mid-terms ,so Monday starts a new quarter.
 New house, new neighborhood, new school and hopefully we can find an end to this sudden illness and all the madness and depression that has been happening.  One thing at a time.  Stevi is having her biopsies done on April 9th, so that will give us a definite answer about Celiac's Disease and also her Antibodies and her Immunities are being tested.  That will be 2 weeks into our new fresh and clean environment, so hopefully we can get her off of some of this medication and see our happy, active daughter come back........

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Landlord on his way......

 Jay called the landlord Thursday night after we decided the only way to get Stevi better is to remove her from this environment as soon as possible.  Everything we've been told is to get her out right away.  It's hard when we both work and have been working overtime as much as possible because of all this expensive turmoil.  The landlord lives in California and is coming today.  Thankfully.  We had every intention of giving him the proper 30 day notice but in light of all that has happened over the last 6-7 weeks, and talking to her now 4 different Doctors, the one conclusion they have come up with until her biopsy, is that she needs to be in a safe non-toxic environment.  Jay and I are still sick, chesty, with coughs, mainly at night and as soon as I walk into our home, my eyes, nose start running, the coughing begins.   Thankfully with all the medication Stevi is on, her symptoms are less frequent, she was missed 54 classes in the last 6 weeks due to medical reasons and couldn't cheer the last 2 games and has missed practice this week.  Wednesday night I was up with her until 1:30 because she couldn't breathe and her chest was tight and throat swollen and her tongue felt big and fuzzy.  I know that not all people are susceptible to serious issues with a slight amount of mold, but some are.  The fact that the old carpeting is still in the house and now I have found new mold spore growing in areas that are near moisture just reiterates that when the spore was introduced into the air and the series of events with illness, it is airborne.  We need to move.  Thankfully, as soon as Jay spoke to our landlord and he was made aware that he may have a mold problem, he is jumping into to action....I felt and expressed that the carpeting was so soaked and being so old that it should be replaced....it wasn't.  Could that be harboring mold as well?  Very possibly.  We do not want to cause any problems for him as he really has been a great landlord.  Jay really likes him and that was part of our tough decision, but our families health is first and foremost.  The new place we found isn't ready but when we told him we may need to move into my Mom's just to get away from this environment he said he would have it ready for us by Wednesday.  Is it an emergency to move?  I don't know...I feel it's essential that  we do.   Stevi goes in for her biopsies on April 9th, and the new school quarter starts March 26th....That really is a week and 4 days away.  With all the research I've done, and I woke up with hives this morning on my ankles... weird, and Jay and I are now coughing up jellyfish again, seems to be more on the weekends when we are home, I think it's time.  We have been here 2 years and had planned on not moving again until Stevi graduated.  As you know, the school out here has been less than impressive and we were really thinking of moving this summer to start her in a better, less populated area.  Reno High has a lot of generational support, even the Alumni still donate money and volunteer at the school and everyone I've talked to, their kids love going there.  God works in mysterious ways and sometimes it takes a minute to figure out what to do especially when all Hell is breaking loose from 10 different directions.  The new house is primarily laminate and tile flooring....knowing how much bacteria and God only knows what else old carpeting can be collecting, that brings me a sigh of relief.  This has all happened so fast, but sometimes you need to just jump into action and fight it head on....step by step...........Today when our landlord comes out he will be hopefully be  testing the area and see how high the percentage in the air is....All I know, is I want Stevi to become normal again, being an athlete that can't even exercise very well and an honor student who has missed so much school, she is doing homework non-stop just to get caught up and never missed school before............We  just want life to get back to normal, move forward.........anyone have any boxes?

Thursday, March 15, 2012

She's not the Fucking Snitch Bitch that turned you in.... I am...

 When a mother steps in, now kids seem to think they are fighting their kids battles.  No just being a mother.   When a mother monitors her daughters Facebook, she's not being nosy, just being a mother.  When a mother goes to another child's house to get closure on a situation, it's not to make things worse, it's being a mother.  When a mother sees her child in pain, and tries to make the pain go away, again, just being a mother.  When a mother stays up all night and goes back and forth from the bedroom to check if her baby, whether a newborn or 15 is still breathing, just being a mother.  When a mother puts her foot down and tries to end the bullying, it's not to make things worse, it's to put an end to the harassment, because I'm just being a mother.  When I am begged to stay out of it and I just can't stand to sit idly and watch her pain any more, it's because I'm just a mother.  When a mother looks for a new home even though she hates moving to make life easier for her child, it's just because she is a mother.  And when a mother finds out how to finally fight fair... she becomes a Mother Fucker.

So to all of you kids who have a right to an education, therefore you are passed from school to school because of those rights regardless of your behavior, know that someday you will finally meet your match.  And for those of you that have tangled with this Mother Fucker, know that I am not your friend, nor am I scared of you or your mouths, for she is not the "Fucking Snitch Bitch" that turned you in, it was just a mother, who is behaving as a mother should.  After all, my child also has the right to an education and your behavior is hindering that by making her life miserable so just know, that I am watching, no matter how small, if you don't stop, your life will become miserable as well...and while we are on that subject, you can thank me for turning in your stupid little Facebook slams regarding my daughter,because it stopped her Daddy from going to your house at 11:00 last night and handling it his way.....which would have been quite ugly all the way around, because he is less scared of you or the consequences defending his daughters honor would bring.  So good luck out there you little heathens , I know who you are, and I am watching you, and I personally do not care what you think, say or feel about me.....You mean nothing to me.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Do you ever wonder who that person was?

 Do you ever drive by, walk by or look at someone who is obviously a drug addict and wonder who that person was or could have been?  I do.  

Yesterday I had to go to EnSoul beauty supply to purchase hair for a set of extensions I am doing tomorrow and the parking is away from the building on 4th St. 

 I took I-80 and got off at the 4th St. exit by Coney Island Bar and Grill so I had to drive up quite a few blocks and as always, 4th St. has some pretty interesting people watching.  As I was driving I almost hit a crazy looking guy on a bicycle as he swerved into traffic, completely in his own world.  It scared the crap out of me but as I looked at him I felt sad.  I thought "That is someones ex-boyfriend, son, brother, father, ex- best friend."  He looked about 60 and rough but he was probably closer to my age.  I grew up in neighborhoods were drugs were everywhere and went to schools were it was pretty common for kids to be partiers.   I have known people who have died of overdoses and health risks associated with meth and other drugs and a few who have commit suicide. As I parked my car and walked up the sidewalk to EnSoul, I passed a guy who would have normally scared the shit out of anybody walking alone in that area and I looked him in the eye and said "Hi" he looked at me and without any glimpse of a smile nodded his head.  For a second he seemed familiar.  He probably wasn't but I thought to myself,  I very well could have known that person 20-30 years ago and I wonder what kind of a young person he was and why he is the way he is today.  I ran into a girl when Jayson who is now 25 was around 8 and we were signing him up for baseball/football, I can't remember which and she was one of the prettiest girls in school, had married her high school sweetheart and I had heard she went to med school.  She came up and said "Hi" gave me a hug and for around 15 minutes I had no idea who she was.  When I finally realized who this crackhead with no teeth was and got over the embarrassment of everyone looking at us like we were the best of friends, I felt like I had been smashed in the face with a brick.  She was the girl all the girls were jealous of and all the guys wanted.  I often wonder if she is still alive, if she's gotten clean etc.  If she was that torn up 8 short years after high school, I highly doubt it but I have hoped.  I remember at the time she had twins and she had been going through a divorce and lost custody.   School friends of mine have seen her gambling at Bonanza Casino years ago and apparently she looked so bad they would avoid all contact with her.  That is just one story, I have many many more sad ones just like it.  I am just so thankful that the journey my life has taken me on has made me a strong person who can combat the weakness' that causes people to go completely off track like a derailed train.  Reno is a small town and if you have lived here your whole life as I have, when you avoid or pass that meth head downtown or where ever you may be.  Instead of avoiding all eye contact you may take a look...you may have known them in a different life.........

Monday, March 12, 2012

The Boomerang Affect...

Put it in the Universe
It all comes back to you
good, bad or ugly
it will keep like a tattoo.

Once you put it out there
it finds its way back home
regardless of how you release it
it comes back to you alone.

Think of how you treat life
yourself and others too
no matter how big or small
it always comes back to you.

I say this from experience
for I have had to learn
you always reap what you sew
life gives you what you earn.

Look in the mirror right now
who do you want to be
eternally angry and  sad
or as happy as can be.

Think before you act
it can be as simple as just that
spread love instead of hatred 
it's so easy to combat.

The past is just that
you have to let it go
live for only today
with the kindness that you know.

When it comes back to you
and it surely will
will life be a heavy burden
or will each day be a thrill.

Start today with life anew
put differences aside
sit back and watch the boomerang
and then enjoy the ride.

Lisa Lynch

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Swapping months may actually work..

 Growing up together is hard for a married couple.  We got married when I was 17 and Jay was 18.  Not only did we have to learn how to cook and clean basically as children, we also had to learn how to budget a small amount of money to keep a roof over our head and food in our mouths.  Jayson was born 4 1/2 months after we were married, so basically from day one we also have had children to worry about.  We have been married 26 years and have never been children free, or bill free.  Money has gotten tight again, for most people, it is just like starting over again as young kids.  We, like many other families have resorted to living paycheck to paycheck once again, and trying how to leave money in the bank for groceries, etc.  I once gave this burden to Jay because I was stressed out around 20 years ago, and as young as he was and being a guy, it didn't exactly go as I had planned, I had to take the reigns again.  Now that we are in our 40's, he has gone through the construction drop and the unemployment lines, he is as frugal as Hell and is working steadily again with as much overtime as possible, knowing it could stop again tomorrow.  Many times he would put his paycheck in the bank as I have and we would have no money left and he would say.."I just put my check in! How can we be broke!?"  As hard as it is to explain the expense of living, including a very active teenage daughter, I decided to start trading months with him and let him budget and pay bills, figure out allowances etc, every other month.  It's definitely working.  I am amazed at how he can pinch a penny, get bills paid and it has also made me aware of how much money I easily spend.  I get paid daily and have for 23 years so I always have cash coming in.  Having to hand it over to him nightly and ask for money for gas, Stevi's guitar lessons, her make-up, milk etc., has made me stay on a much tighter budget.  Last night we were able to buy the kids (Jayson and Guoda) dinner, as well as Stevi and Alyssa...something we haven't been able to do in a long time.  I know we can't do that weekly like my family traditions used to be.  Even when we were broke, my mom and dad found a way, even if we made it to Denny's.  Those Friday nights are missed by all of us.  I felt bad because I didn't know that Jay was going to pay for all of us... and Jayson and Guoda were upset that Grandma wasn't there.  The only reason I didn't invite her is because she hates driving in the dark and I know she is on a tight budget as well.  If I had known we had enough money, she would have been there I'm sure.  Our family has grown and it is hard to fit Friday night dinners into the budget, but we have been looking for a new place to live and the one we are turning an application in for tomorrow is big enough to entertain and I will definitely Implement family get togethers once a month as a pot luck if we can't afford to feed everybody.  For now, I am pretty impressed with Jay's ability to balance money.  Stevi is going to prom and needs to get her dress.  Guoda gave her two prom dresses to keep in the event she can't get the once she wants......Prom is expensive and Daddy is in charge.....Ought to be very interesting.....

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Eat an Elephant one bite at a time....

Insightful week.  When our washer flooded our house during Football Playoffs, and a wall had to be removed in the rental we have been living in because of Black Mold spore, it never occurred to me that that may have been what started the ball rolling with all of the allergy, hives and respiratory problems Stevi has been having.  Or the fact that around a week or two after that I started getting really congested and ended up with Laryngitis and have had a ridiculous cough and trouble breathing.... it seems to be worse at night and in the morning... when we are  at home.  Jay has been really sick , chesty and coughing as well just to name a few.  I was told by a good friend in property management who has knowledge of these removal techniques and knows the laws that our landlord didn't follow proper protocol at all. And although we had to dry the carpet , sub flooring and wall out with the 5 industrial fans going for 2 weeks straight, it probably just pushed all the spore into the air because it was never sealed off.  Then I vacuumed the carpet over and over, that was never replaced even though it was so soaked through that the crawl space under the house was flooded.  Stevi's blood work did test positive for mold, now not only do we need to check the house for airborne particles, which is very expensive, to at least rule that out, Jay and I need to be tested as well and we need to move.  I put a link up at the top.  That was only one of many I found.  Apparently mold poisoning and removal is just as serious if not more that Asbestos removal and our house was Bandaged back together by 3 unlicensed Hispanic men who could only come on the the weekend because it was a side job, because our landlord wouldn't hire the licensed contractor we provided because he was too expensive by slapping down linoleum in the front area where part of the flood was and replacing the piece of wall that was torn out, very shabbily I may add as well.  Thousands of dollars later in medical bills for Stevi, the expense of moving and Jay and I working our asses off, sick to pay for everything and if this is the culprit which makes total sense, it  could have all been prevented had it been handled properly.  God works in mysterious ways.  We are getting our ducks in a row, one step at a time so we know how and where to start fighting for our health, safety and the expenses this may have caused us.  In light of Stevi's issues in this area as well, environmentally it is not safe for her, and maybe not for us.  We are looking to move, we found a house that would be perfect in the Reno High School area, if that house is meant to be, it is meant to be.  In the mean time, thankfully, we have kept the wall in plastic that was removed, and the carpet and all the sub flooring is still in this house.  I have some phone calls to make, we will get it tested to rule it out or in and do what we need to from there.  I put my blog out into the universe and it's amazing how God works.  If the mold is the culprit, I will tell you the story of how this conversation came about and may have saved our health.  In the mean time.....as Jay always says..."You know how you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time..."  So we are...

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

A woman changes her mind....200 times a day!

 Most woman can't make up there mind, period.  Well known fact.
 Especially when it comes to their hair color.  They either don't want to change it at all, or every time they come in the want a different color.
 Now add being a hair dresser, that does hair all day.  I see beautiful variations of blonde's, brunettes, redheads, black hair and multi colored hair.
 For years in my 20's I had just about every color you can imagine, at one time it was very short, with a long bang, black with pink chunks in it, fuchsia pink... that was my favorite, but at the time, I was traveling and doing stage work as a platform artist, so it was the norm in my world.
 I really loved the blond, especially when it was platinum but I am older now and some colors just make you look harsh or like you are trying too hard.
 When I closed Salon Moxie as a group, we all went our separate ways into other salons, it was hard to trade and harder to find a new hair dresser.  I now know why clients become so fiercely loyal, one bad hair cut or color can ruin your day, week, month.  Yes a bad hair day for a woman is that serious, so I just started to do my own hair , cutting and coloring it myself.  Not easy, but I could fit it into my own schedule, on my time, with my formulation and cut it how I wanted it.
Then I found my studio mate next door at My Salon, Michelle Seiffers.  Yup, trust her 100% with my hair, so now I am back to being that fickle woman who doesn't know what to do with her hair because I know she can do what I want, formulate it herself and give me a great haircut as well.  I posted a poll on my wall and the comments seem to be all leaning towards dark rich browns with reds. So now next Friday I told Michelle I wanted Ombre' color and sent her a picture (Ombre' is dark on top and changes color towards the bottom)  So it looks like I will get over trying to be blond and change it up, once again.  For years I stayed in those shades of color, and now I realize, I really just loved having shiny healthy hair.  Blonde's don't necessarily have more fun. At least not this blond.....so as Marianna said on a comment of Facebook..."You will be down if you go brown..."  Okie Dokie!

Monday, March 5, 2012


Three Doctors, three tests and answers, three different what to do's.

Doctor #1, "She's tested positive to 100's of allergies....she needs to go see the allergist right way, the blood tests are showing positive to so many things we have a big mess! Put her on Zyrtec every 12 hours and an Epipen to carry with her at all times, stay away from all wheat and gluten, she needs to see a Gastroentrologist to be tested for Celiac Disease."

Doctor #2,  "The scratch test shows some very serious allergies and some intolerance's and is more reliable than a blood test, lets put her on Prednisone , get her another Epipen so she has one on her, one at the nurse and one at home, have her use her Albuteral inhaler and her antihistamines twice a day and on the onset of hives, I'm more concerned with her wheat and gluten intolerance than her food allergies, she's got some good ones that are pretty serious she needs to stay away from but the rest are just intolerance's I believe because of her possible Celiac Disease... so stay away from the Wheat and Gluten the rest should be fine if she stays on her antihistamines."

Doctor #3,  " I'm really not sure what is going on here, she is allergic to everything, pet dander and hair, dust, mold, a majority of foods but the worst are the environmental according to the blood test which I feel is more accurate than the scratch test.  But I can't do the Endoscopy, or Colonoscopy if you've taken her off of Wheat and Gluten, even though her intestines are feeling better, have her back on a regular diet, just stay away from her serious allergens, for a month, then I can do a proper biopsy and we can go from there."

Fast forward to today....Stevi is in bed, nauseous, full of hives, stomach problems, face on fire......do I call all three?  I have no idea!!!!?  I called my General Practitioner, AGAIN, and left a message.  I am being told three different things, Ugh!  so confusing.  The Zyrtec wasn't strong enough, we are out of the Hydro cortisone cream (we have one at school) I had to give her Benadryl because it was so bad, so now she's passed out, missing yet another day of school.  At least she can now do her make-up work and her teachers said they will accept it if she scans it and e-mails it to them.  I just want an answer!  We cleaned the house from top to bottom, even vacuumed the ceilings , blinds, everything, have an air purifier going, washed all bedding, vacuumed all furniture.  Good Lord........give me an answer.

And her being stressed out, ads to the problem, Lovely.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Let me introduce you to Bubba...

This doesn't mean I am proud of Bubba... But I think it may explain who Bubba is...
Rugrats in the late 70's early 80's 
As a young kid I had to learn the art of survival. My father leaving at a young age, fending for ourselves when my mom didn't or couldn't afford a sitter, although going to the big blue barns in Reno Park for the day to play was heaven for me and my little brother.  At the age of 8 the unspeakable and most horrifying things that could happen to a young girl happened and therefore gave me the ability to have no fear and the fear of pain never scared me as well.  As a matter of fact, Bubba loved pain, it felt , how do I explain this, soothing, calming.  Maybe because when I felt pain as a young girl, I learned how to disappear in my mind as if in a dream, almost like it was happening to someone else.  As I got older it was always my responsibility to watch after my brother and sister.  My brother is "Special needs" and my sister is 8 years younger than me.  They are both lovers not fighters, probably because I was their big sister, or maybe because they grew up with 'Special Olympics' and my sister with horses riding in horse shows her whole life, while I grew up watching after them, and running around Upper Stead until I was 13 with Job Corps kids and my next door neighbor was the son of a Hell's Angels' Ol' Lady.   When I entered O'brien Middle School at age 11 in the 6th grade, I was probably one of my only friends that wasn't terrified.  I was excited.  There wasn't bullying like there is today.  If you had a problem, you confronted it head on and had a good old fashion fight, no jumping with a gang of people , just one on one and teachers back then didn't break it up until it got out of hand, then you were sent to the office to cool off and sent back to class...unless of course you started fighting again across the Principals desk then you actually did get sent home to cool off for a couple of days (I speak from experience).  The first Bullies that I ever experience was in 7th grade, they were in 8th grade.  They ruled the school.  I will never forget them, Tammy and Sheryl, they were inseparable both tall, one was also pretty hefty and you knew someone was going to get jumped when they walked like they were on a mission and had their rings on that they had taken the stones out of with just the prongs left.  My experience with them started with my best friend Tina.  She was on crutches with a cast and O'brien is a 2 story school.  She used the stairs instead of the service elevator because it took to long to wait for someone with the key.  One day Sheryl and Tammy were behind us and pushed Tina down the stairs.  Of course I helped her to the nurse's office and stayed with her until her Mom came to pick her up.  It was the next period passing that I realized I was now the next target.   I avoided them and then when I got home, instead of going strait home, I went to my next door neighbor ladies Joselyn and Kevan and asked them to teach me to fight, since they loved bar fighting I figured these were the ladies to go to.  And they did.  They taught me the element of surprise, how to really throw a punch and some pretty dirty tricks.  And I enjoyed it and that is when Bubba really started to come out, from all the pent up anger and pain inside me that had been locked away, they taught me how to control it and unleash it when I needed it most.  My mom says my biological father had the ability of extreme self defense as well, maybe I also get some of the Tazmanian Devil from him too?  The next day at school I was eager to get it over with so I caught their eye at lunch by passing them a couple of times and they followed me into the bathroom downstairs in the Commons.  I walked out they didn't.  I can't really tell you exactly what went down in there, just that I blacked out and freaked out at the same time.  After that, they slowly disappeared.  I don't really remember them fighting, well actually jumping many underclassmen after that.  And Bubba knew what she had.  I never bullied kids but I handled what needed to be handled for my friends and family, especially my brother who was picked on relentlessly because of his disabilities.  Going to Hug was the same way as O'brien, you didn't back down or you were a constant target, I had a few pretty good fights at Hug only one with a guy, who was a Senior picking on my boyfriend in PE and I tried to get between them and ended up fighting with him instead, well, he was a football player, I was a freshman girl, I'll admit he hit me once and I was done.  He actually got expelled from school, I wasn't the first girl, or person for that matter that he hit, looking back I wonder if he and some of the other guys were on Steroids, they were awfully huge and angry.  His name was Alan, I can still see his face, lol and his mullet!  On a day to day basis, there were fights at Hug, just like any school, if they were serious, they usually ended up in the bathroom so they wouldn't be broken up and you could get down to business.  I only had one bathroom fight my sophomore year.  It felt good to let more anger out.  On a day to day basis, I was friends with everyone, no cliques no groups, just one best friend and a lot of acquaintances and fun friends to chill with.  I mostly hung out with older kids, some of them no longer in school.  My worst fight was probably with my best friend of many years, over a badmitton tournament mishap. Mainly because we were both so pissed at eachother and we had every single class together so it was one endless fight, to be continued each period.  That and when a girl brought a knife to school to stab me at the football game because I had broken up with her best friends little brother and he was heartbroken.  NO I didn't get stabbed, too many people were talking about it and she got busted with it at the game before I could acknowledge her.

Jay and I got married the day after I graduated High School because I was pregnant with Jayson,  and the end of my year I was completely ostrasized because I was pregnant because back then that was not as common as it is today, it was like I had the plague.  The people who did talk to me called me a slut and told me how stupid I was, but my true friends stayed by my side.  I am still married to Jay today and that only made me stronger.  Jay and I learned and made mistakes in our 20's and many involved fighting at parties and bars.  I seemed to find the men that like to fight woman and Jay would hold my purse and say "Your in trouble now!" or he would join in with their friends to make sure they didn't jump in.  Believe it or not I could hold my own and never got my ass beat, it was usually the other way around and would take a team of people or bouncers to get me off them once I got started, both of my major fist fights , they hit me first, once I was defending my brother at a party and a guy I went to school with was calling my brother a retard and then punched me in the face when I was trying to reason with him because Jay was about to tear him a new one.  The other was at a bar called Characters and my friend Mary got jumped in a bathroom by 5 girls, when she came out and sat at our table and told us what happened, it was obvious, she looked like she had been through a blender, the main girl walked by and I was trapped in the booth table, I flipped it over so I could get out and her boyfriend came to her rescue when he realized what was going on, Jay was right behind me, as her boyfriend pulled me off of her by my hair (if you ever want to me to flip out, just pull me hair) and Jay pulled my purse off my shoulder, looked the guy in the eye and said, "You are in trouble now, kick his ass Honey!"  Somehow we ended up on a pool table and that was the fight it took around 4 bouncers to pull me off of him after I did some pretty good damage.

Life slows down and you get older,  the bar fighting slowed down after that, I think one more when we were at 2nd St bar and a gay guy would not leave Jay alone, his Big Softball player date got involved and the fight was on, Jay couldn't hit a girl so that became a wrestling match and the gay guy backed off after a few minutes when he realized I was a force to be reconned with.  No I'm not proud of all of those fights, but for me they were euphoric and there were more that don't deserve recognition.  As I child I bottled up all my fear and anger and eventually that comes out in some form.  Some hurt themselves, others fight back.  Was I a bad kid?  I don't know, I guess I was.  Was I a handful, absolutely.  I have a huge heart, a very passionate and protective heart, I think part of that is because I don't want anyone to live the the hurt and pain and memories I have lived with my whole life, and still live with to this day.  Now when I jokingly say "I am heavily medicated for your protection" I am serious.  I have been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)  and have been told that I have handled my life very well and am an extremely productive adult.  It usually goes completely the other way.  I am still married, I have never been in jail (luckily) I am kind to a fault (until to break that circle of trust, then I am done) I feel the need to fix everything for everyone so they don't have to be in any pain, I am not nor have I ever been addicted (I have had moments of self destruction don't get me wrong).  I am a strong woman of life's circumstances, I am Bubba.

Tears of a Clown......

Thursday, March 1, 2012


 It has finally happened, I'm speechless. Literally.  Trying to balance the weight of the world and the blessing of being packed full with clients this last two weeks at work, trying to get everyone to play nice and make the world a better place and the worries of a family that has suddenly lost their husband and father.  I am now officially sick.  I have been fighting it on and off for awhile and the last 3 nights I medicated myself with NyQuil because my throat has hurt so much and I've been so stuffy.

Stevi has been dealing with a lot of issues with her body and stress as well so her immunities are down and yesterday she asked if she could stay home because her throat was so sore.  I tried to call her in and I'm not sure what they heard on the school answering machine because it came out in segments and sounded like a seal being beaten to death with a club and someone had a mute button to turn it on and off at random just for fun!

Luckily today I am home today so I can rest a bit, the only thing going on today is Stevi's guitar lesson with a new guy, Jeff Montgomery at Bizarre Guitar. It's her first lesson in around 3 years, her electric guitar is too small since it was a junior size and her "Hannah Montana" guitar grandma gave her , well she informed me she is just too old for that.  I wanted to bring it to grandmas for the kids to play with, but I really don't know if it is considered a toy or not?  Stevi has taken care of it, maybe we can put it at Grandmas house on a shelf so the kids can ask to play it is what I'm thinking.  We are saving it for Willow and Sage, but with my sister owning a daycare, not sure if that is a good idea to have it there, although I know my sister is the organizer they write about in books, I'm sure it will be fine.

Thinking about moving, one nice thing about living in a rental is you can do that, although, we all hate having to move again.  This move may be for the best.  For a multitude of reasons, it has not been a great year for us in this area.  You can't run from life, but when it starts to get the better of you, change is good.  We have talked about it and feel that the Old Southwest Reno area, zoned for Reno High School where Stevi has a lot of great friends from athletics live and are zoned for.  I haven't been really impressed with Spanish Springs HS, I have met some amazing people and students, don't get me wrong, but there have been a lot more negatives than positives and I feel that over population may be a big part of it.  A few of my friends have even pulled their kids out to home school or transferred or put their kids on variances for the same reasons.  I want school to be part of a growing and learning experience for my daughter, not a stressful nightmare.  So I am leaving the decision up to her, she needs to think if what she is going through  can be overcome or if it's time to start a new chapter in our lives.  I have looked and as far as rentals go, we can get a lot more house for what we are paying for this one........time will tell, it's not an emergency but a thought.  We will decide as a family.  There are mean people everywhere, but as I spoke to a few of Stevi's friends , it has happened to them as well and it can make life miserable.  Hard to explain because there has been so much going on, but it is excessive out here.  And we moved her to be in a "better" area after researching all the schools........Speechless.........