Thursday, July 24, 2008

It just sucks.....

I had lunch with my girlfriend today and I was proud to tell her that Jay has been sober a year as of July 14th.  When Jay and I talk about those "fun" days, I refer to him as "My Bastard Ex-Husband"  and he was.  I know that I could come home today and he could be back, but that is a chance I take, I also know what I have to do if he does drink again......move on.  For my girlfriend, she is going through the "fun" stage right now with her husband.  Never a dull moment.  As she was telling me about his latest debaucherous moments, tears were welling up in her eyes and I wanted to just die.  I remember how miserable I was.  I hated him, I hated me. I hated wanting to leave, I hated wanting to stay.  Why is it when you love somebody, you let them abuse you and treat you worse than they would treat their own enemies?  It is an illness.  It is also very hard to understand if you don't deal with addiction.  Her husband has fallen of the wagon yet again with more ultimatums and threats,  she is still there.  She has two boys who are now at the age where they are getting involved and sticking up for her.  When the children start to get affected you need to be strong, but she talks to me because I have been there, done that.  One Thousand people can tell you they would never put up with this or that, or wouldn't allow this or that, but until you are there.........I don't know, I guess you go numb.  Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep every night, sometimes you can't cry anymore.  When you are done you're done, when she gets to that point she will leave and maybe he can finally face his demons.  I wish I could make it go away for her, but from my experience, I can say that unfortunately it has to get much, much worse before it gets better.  Oh  my heart aches for her and I wish her luck and strength.

7 comments:

Michele said...

It is very sad to see the people you love the most abuse themselves and hurt the people they love. I unfortunately went through this, I did leave. It was the only way, once I did my husband was able to face his demons and make things right and get clean and sober. That was 4 years ago, he knows that there is no going back. And for me there is no alternative. We are happy now, finally!

Chrissy and Jack said...

Again with the sad blogs! This one just breaks my heart. I hope whatever happens, whether she leaves him or stays, works out for the best for her. Life shouldn't be this hard...

Mom said...

So sad. I'm so proud of Jay and of you. I sure hope that it turns out as well for your friend.

Perry said...

Wow, thank you for sharing Lisa. Congratulations to Jay and his one year. Excellent job & keep up the good work!!!! My wife got her 2nd 90 day coin this year last week. She is in a huge rut however and not going well at all. I don't thing relapse is imminent but not sure about much else either. :-(

Sianne I Am said...

I've nevr gone through anything like that, especially since I'm only 13. I can't imagine what its like. I'm sorry, I hope everything turns out okay for her.

Sianne I Am said...

I've nevr gone through anything like that, especially since I'm only 13. I can't imagine what its like. I'm sorry, I hope everything turns out okay for her.

Bubba said...

Perry, I will pray for strength for you and your wife, I know it is not easy on either end.