Monday, June 11, 2012

Everyday is a learning process....

 Raising children is never easy.  No mother does it the same way.  Hell, no mother does it the same way with each child.  Raising Jayson was really hard, REALLY hard.  I was young, he was rebellious, well guess just a typical teenager and I held on so tight and pushed so hard it pushed him beyond my control.  Eventually he dropped out of school and I kicked him out of our house at 17 and our relationship suffered.  Now we are close again, thank God.  The growing pains are gone and all of that is in the past.  Fearing the same outcome with Stevi, and the fact that she is so different than Jayson, I have been a little too "loose" and now that she is in high school I am noticing that she is turning into a typical teenage.  I recently made a choice to allow her to be included in an adult situation.  Was it the wrong decision?  I'm sure it was.  I was torn because I was the kid that was held tightly and just went to my room and snuck out the window.  I put myself into some very serious situations that my mother never knew about because our relationship was far from open.  She still doesn't like to hear about my life as a child, but I am brutally honest and I feel no need to lie.  I am not perfect now nor have I ever been or claimed to be.  If I did something wrong or inappropriate I own up to it.  I don't pretend to be perfect or mother of the year.  I learned another lesson this weekend, a hard lesson, but a lesson non the less.  So don't judge me for making mistakes.  Life is about learning,  I guess some mothers prefer to live in the bliss of ignorance not knowing what their children are doing or even where they are.  I prefer to be open and honest, regardless of how it makes me feel and try to keep that line of communication open so I can see what is unfolding and protect my children as they learn lessons too.  This weekend my lesson is that it is time to start pulling in the reigns.  Even though the situation was a special day and a special situation, the outcome was okay but I was not okay.  Lesson learned.  I did the same things at a young age as did Jay and just about every other kid I knew, only if anything had happened, nobody would have been able find me to help me.  I will continue to be open and honest with my children, but as my youngest continues to grow up and is presented with growing challenges, this week with her gone will allow us to implement some soft lines and some hard lines.  It will be a battle but I'm up for the fight.

Good luck to all of you with young children, high school is the worst!

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