Thursday, February 23, 2012

Am I just tired?

I feel like I have the flu, I am having severe stomach problems, (what's new right?), I have no energy, I feel like I have a fever (but I don't my temperature is 97.1 hmm?)  I just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep and whine like my little mini Doxie does.  I'm stressed, no lie, I haven't had time to exercise and I am following the same diet Stevi is on so I know exactly what she is going through with these strict dietary guidelines.  I'm sure I am not getting enough calories, yet neither is Stevi and my brain is on overload with all this new information I need to absorb.  Thank God this week I am booked solid for a full 5 days because that hasn't happened in years.  God's way of helping me put money back into the bank that has been coming out sooner than I am making it.


I finally made the time to get into my Therapist's office and was able to unload and have myself a little pity party and a mental breakdown in the safety of her office and her response to me was......"When you are on an airline the first thing the Stewardess tells you to do if the plane is going down is to put your air mask on first before helping others......why do you think that is?"


"Because I can't help anyone else if I'm dead or unconscious ...."


She said..."You are absolutely right, if you don't take care of your self first , you are not able to help everyone else successfully, you can't help them if you let yourself fall apart."


We know this.  We are told this, yet as women, we need to fix, protect, placate, and take care of every situation first...and there is never anything left in us , for us.  I really wanted to go to Cross Fit tonight, I really need it for me, but for me today I saw my Therapist  and I really needed to talk to her.  My decision not to go to Cross Fit was weighed back and forth heavily.  Do I go?  I really should and I need to.  Or do I go home because I only slept 3 hours last night and feel like I've been hit by a truck?


Since Stevi has gotten so sick and sensitive to just about all foods unless its fresh, organic with no cross contamination, I have been reading, learning, studying labels , staying up late and getting up early, running her to Doctor appointments, the pharmacy, running to the school.  Basically running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've been on the phone with Doctors and insurance companies and pharmacies for endless hours.  I am mentally and physically exhausted and stressed out to the point I feel like an overwound rubber band ready to break or unravel like crazy. Yet, I get up, go to work, smile on cue and drop everything for everyone else when needed.


Maybe I'm just tired............

3 comments:

Liz said...

I wonder if your body is detoxing. That would explain the flu like symptoms. Anyway, I completely agree with your therapist. You need to take care of YOU, too.

Elaine said...

I left a comment last night, but it's not here! Anyhow....CrossFit tomorrow? It will be good for you!

Bubba said...

Yes, I have to work at 11...ugh I have a wedding tomorrow, I am seeing if I need to bring Stevi somewhere first because Jay has to work tomorrow also...