I can kick my own ass........

I can kick my own ass.  Anyone who truly knows me has seen me do it.  In the salon, I am always hitting myself, dropping things etc.  At home I am a bull in a China Store.  I am pretty sure this morning getting ready by doing my hair I gave myself a black eye. I was going to flat iron my bangs and poked myself in my right eye with my thumb nail, I am sure it will bruise.  I do bruise pretty easily, I don't know if I'm lacking iron, potassium or whatever, or if it is my age and the fact that the older you get you have thinner skin.  Right now I look like a battered woman.  Two pretty good bruises on my right arm, compliments of myself on my very selfish day where I decided to drink a bottle of wine while Jay was at work and unload boxes.  Stood on a cardboard box that contains our artificial tree to pull a box down and put a TV, a very large heavy TV up to rearrange things.  Funny the box was holding me just fine until the TV was in my arms.  I went down, saved the TV, knocked over more boxes and got a cardboard cut on my tricep which now also has a bruise around it, and a good one above my wrist.  I have always been accident prone.  I trip on imaginary cracks in the side walk and bump into signs as if they aren't even there.  I always seem to move through things instead of around them.  I think I have numerous unexplained bruises on my legs...I don't even know where they came from myself.  This week I had a lot of clients asking me what happened to my arm and a few stare at it and say nothing.  I assure you, everything is normal and okay in my world.  At this point in our lives Jay would cry before he would ever deliberately hurt me.  He isn't a physical person anymore.  I am, just mainly physical with myself.  So if you see me looking like I've been in a car accident, don't be afraid to ask me what happened. I always will tell the truth whether it is good or bad, I did leave out a minor detail this week.  That would be the wine.  I am a bit embarrassed that I drank a whole bottle on my selfish pity party day, especially since that is the one thing that I get angry with Jay over.  I did drink, I am allergic, I had some hives and I kicked my own ass.........then passed out.