Saturday, January 7, 2012

Give them a chance to show you they are trustworthy.

Daivee and Stevi in 8th Grade
Teenagers are teenagers.  We all were once, or will be someday.  I may not be as strict as most parents and I'm not as lax as others.  What we do have in this house is honesty.  She can ask me anything, tell me anything and she will get my absolute honest answer and opinion.  I always tell her I know she will make the right decision because I trust her to.  I have also told her very honestly my experiences and trials as a rebellious teenager and am honest to a fault with her, hoping she will learn from my mistakes and realize there is a reason why I tell her no, or call her friends, stalk them on Facebook, or speak to their parents when I feel it is necessary.

She has some amazing friends. Yes we have had a couple of them camped on the couch and we have had them come out of town with us, to stay with us and she has gone out of town to visit them.  Her friends also know they can be honest with me and I will tell them like it is.  There are a few that even text or message me for advise when they feel they can't talk with their parents.  Stevi thinks that is weird, I explain to her that all parents aren't as open minded as I am.  My son was given the same freedoms but they were also taken away because he didn't make wise choices, and he still snuck out the window and got caught (like I did) and got himself into situations that were less than desirable.  He knew he could always call me and I would come get him no questions asked so he'd be home safe, he would pay for his mistakes in the morning and get a consequence, much less than if he had lied to me (which he did at times)...although he knew, if he was thrown in jail, not to call me.   You get yourself in, you get yourself out.  That is a consequence.
Drake, Stevi and Taylor on our 4 day trip of Amusement Parks

Taylor and Stevi on our San Francisco trip at Ben and Jerry's
Cierra, Stevi and Alyssa Homecoming Dance
I'm sure I will get a lot of comments on this post but what I can tell you is, I know where my daughter is at all times.  Who she is with and what she is doing.  She and a couple of her friends have called me to come get them when a party is more that what they were expecting (even in the afternoon with parents home) and they feel uncomfortable.  I know I can trust her when her group of friends have their movie nights way out at a friends house who lives 40 minutes away and if they parents are too tired to drive them home, I know she is safe to sleep there in the living room.  Most of her guy friends , regardless of how they feel for her are like her brothers and I know they all watch out for her (her closest friends, I have a list of not o k boys) . I love these kids, I talk to them and say to the boys..."I'm trusting you to take care of my baby, don't make Daddy come over."  Jay knows everything that goes on as well and I often tell Stevi, ask Daddy and see what he says.

Last night an opportunity came up for her to go to a concert with a group.  I know the boys, one of them pretty well, I am friends with a family member of his.  She called Daddy and asked if she could go..his shocking response to her was "I trust you, have fun."

When the boys came to pick her up, I told the Alpha male..."You know that shiny beautiful truck you got for your 16th birthday?  It's beautiful! I bet you love it!  If you loaned that perfect truck to a friend and they returned it with dents, scratches, a blown engine , flat tires, a broken windshield and a torn up interior you'd be pretty upset wouldn't you?"
His response.."Yeah I'd be pissed!"
Me.."I'm loaning you my perfect shiny truck, return it in the same condition, shiny and new or I will send my head mechanic , her Daddy to your house to pound the dent's out, you feel me?"
Him..."I hear exactly what you're saying....she will be safe..."

And they left.....................................without lying, sneaking and deceiving..........

Stevi making Cierra beautiful

Jordan, Stevi, Alyssa and Savanna at Disneyland for Cheer Competition, they took 1st place!

Stevi and Shannon at Scoopers


Liz said...

I've got nothing to say. :) I hope I have a relationship with my girls that is as good as yours and Stevi's when they're teens. Stevi has a very good head on her shoulders and I know she makes good decisions. You've done such a great job with her. She's amazing and so are you! The way you allow her to make decisions for herself will help her in the future. She won't be one of those kids who gets out from Mom and Dad's wings and goes wild.

Bubba said...

Thank you Liz, that means a lot to me, I know I'm not the perfect parent but none of us are, we are all still learning, But I know one thing...Stevi is going to be an amazing and honest , strong woman who is a leader, not a follower.